Some Notes & Quotes

From various sources regarding the Psychology of Social Media–

“In order to take the selfie, there must be something lacking from your present situation, like -are you lonely and seeking some kind of validation from the web?”

“It’s just an echo chamber, it indulges all your most narcissistic fantasies-you put something up and get a hundred likes and you’re like, “Wow, a hundred likes”, but actually that’s not that many people!”

Sadly, we have been conditioned to believe that if we didn’t post it, it didn’t happen. 

“It’s because we seek validation. We always want to feel wanted and accepted; nobody wants to feel like they don’t belong. It’s because we’re humans.”

“You’ll learn that nobody cares about what you have for breakfast or how you’re spending your Friday night; cause it’s the truth. They don’t care about your personal details, you just give them access to see them.”You have a brain, it gets exhausted from meaningless interactions with several people. 

The endless social media feed pulls your attention in a thousand directions with a million different posts. Even if any of those posts might be valuable, the sheer number of them clutters the mind.”

“I can bet that you are weakening your empathetic muscles, which require frequent in-person interaction (or training) to decipher facial gestures and non-verbal cues. Instead, if the only emotions you notice are the emoticons in your text messages, then it is both unnatural and tragic. This is probably the reason for the depression epidemic we are witnessing, especially among millennials and Gen Z, because they don’t feel connected to anyone.”

( regarding going off social media)”Unless you are a small celebrity/writer/blogger, nobody will notice your absence. This is not because you are unimportant but because most people are too self-absorbed to care about what you are doing. They only care about how they are being perceived. Save yourself from this misery before it’s too late. “

“In this sense, popularity on social media is, in fact, the polar opposite of popularity in reality: while real-world adoration is something to be craved because it opens doors to parties, sex, career advancement, social capital and all sorts of pleasures, on social media it becomes a cage, trapping us online because the things that make us likable in the digital realm sometimes don’t exist beyond it.”


 Who needs actual athletic, personal, or academic accomplishments, when you can feel the real pride that comes from having your selfie earn a one-minute spot on Instagram’s front page!
“some followers are not even real humans but rather BOTs, otherwise known as web robots. These followers don’t exist at all, except as lines of computer code. They are in fact computer programs designed to behave like humans. Such lines of code pump up someone’s followers number, which then makes it look as if they are more popular. And here’s where it gets really high-school-ish: Other people then follow that person because they think he or she is popular. The emperor not only naked, but downright mad!”
“The values I consider important may be irrelevant in 10 years. Perhaps by then, “followers” will come to mean something entirely different, and take on a profundity we can’t yet imagine. Perhaps there won’t even be a private, internal self left to consult with on what is important, and all that will remain is a universal, internet-based selfie.”

The Practical Stuff

Now that i’ve done quite a bit of research and shared a small amount of my findings here, i want to get started on the practical stuff. By this, i mean the things i am doing daily to restructure my life, rewire my brain, and move towards living my best life.

As i go along in this project, i anticipate things will evolve and change according to the results and how i feel. I will also spend sometime each week assessing just how it is that i feel, in regards to the changes i am making.

It’s been a mere 4 days since my Facebook account was completely deactivated. I have not ‘slipped’ and checked in. I have, however discovered that there is a desktop version of messenger to use which has been a lifesaver. I am horrible with typing on a tiny digital keypad. So that’s been one change for the better.

During these 4 days i have gotten to the gym twice and taken 2 walks in a local park( with my roommate). I have had my son over for dinner- which happens about once a year usually. I feel compelled to explain here that, although my son & i are close, my daughter and i are closer and she has kids- so i do see and communicate with her more. Also , in the past year, i made the decision not to participate in commercial Holidays, hence, i see my family somewhat less ( but the absence of the holiday tension and drama have been worth it).

I have also switched back to decaf coffee only which has greatly improved my anxiety/depression . The downside is, during this withdrawal period, my body is way more sluggish each day.

Today, i decided instead of starting my day with checking my email, messenger and bank account, i would start restructuring my wake up routine. I first went to get a coffee and spent a few minutes at my downstairs table just sipping leisurely. I had a cigarette as well then went directly upstairs to take my bath. I didn’t even answer any messages( even though i did note i had a few). Afterwards, i did dishes and THEN went up to check things online. I have to leave shortly for a hair appointment.

Rather than take my laptop along as i usually have for over a decade( to scroll while i wait for my color to process) i got out my reading glasses, cleaned them thoroughly and chose a book i have been meaning to read. So, i will be reading an actual book while i wait today instead of reading posts, advertisements and unverified news articles. I believe this is step in the right direction.

My mood has been slightly improved these past few days. The loneliness and feeling of being disconnected is bothersome, but not terrible. I think the worst part is knowing that only my roommate is truly seeing my daily blog posts. I still kind of feel like no one cares at times BUT, as i stated…For me, it’s no longer a popularity contest.It’s not about being noticed or getting attention.It’s been a HUGE relief to know that no one can judge me daily based on my comments or posts, and i no longer am compelled to check my “status” according to the # of likes received , commentary , or whether or not i have increased or decreased the # of online “friends” that i have.

I’m happy with it all so far!Namaste!

I’t’s not a Popularity Contest..

Or is it?

When i was in high school , i was never one of those “popular” girls. I was the girl who waited in a line up in gym class to be picked for teams and square dancing partners, only to be picked last or have to dance with the gym teacher. I was the girl who went to the town library right after school everyday and brought home a dozen books, spending the nights in my room reading till i fell asleep. As soon as i was of age, i was the girl who got an after school job to fill those hours. I watched all 4 of my best friends abandon me one by one to join more popular, hip cliques. I went to very few dances, sports events, or other school activities because i never felt liked i “belonged”.

Fast forward to adult hood and the onset of social media. Suddenly a world of people opened up that didn’t know my “ugly duckling ” self. I had the chance to re invent the shy, quiet , unnoticed girl of my past. At first , i had “friends” mainly in the communities i was involved in- nursing, family, church…eventually i started seeing people i remembered from high school. It was pretty amazing to be able to “friend” the people who always ignored me and see what they had become as adults. How people had changed! Not many were still of the mindset that they were somehow “better ” than everyone else. Probably because they matured, but also because no longer were there the daily trails and tribulations of wearing the best clothes, looking attractive enough, joining the right clubs and sports, having the coolest material possessions, saying the most witty or trendy things, or hanging with the “right” people. All of these things are of great importance to a teenager, especially teen girls! But , as with my generation, along with the generations before us, most had outgrown that need for constant peer approval and moved into adulthood , becoming our own person through various outside social networks/ relationships- like work, children/family, church, etc..

It felt good to see that not only were many of us on equal ground now, most had gone on to accept that the world did not evolve around attention seeking.

Not so with the “social media” generation.

Now, we all know approximately when social media began- in the late 90’s.If you are unfamiliar with the history , here’s a link:

By 2007/2008 ,a large amount of both teenagers and adults were beginning to become avid users of social media sites. Mostly for just casual sharing of family pics , music, and the like. Soon-it became the monster we have today. In 2019 we are seeing the entire generation of people who grew up with the ability to “express” themselves to the entire world, every hour of everyday, in whatever manner they wished others to perceive them. And worse, it gave them the ability to create and post only the best and most attractive photos of themselves and their lives. No one “out there” ever had to know their actual daily realities. It was like having a wholly separate identity. You could completely rewrite your story, your daily life , and reinvent your persona. And who doesn’t ( even if only occasionally) want THAT super power?

Unfortunately, this has all led to an ultra narcissistic population of humans whose lives are usually nothing at all like what is perceived online. It’s led to a huge amount of hiding behind a screen, loneliness , and the feeling of competition and comparison on a level humanity has never known.

No longer are people vying for being “likable” in real life, but rather seeking the status of gathering the most likes, comments, views, and shares. All for their world of mostly digital friends. What is most disconcerting , is that 90% of the time, if/when you do meet those people in person, you have no idea who they are. They look dramatically different from their photos, and their online personality is a far cry from the real thing.

I’m not the only one who has realized this. Here is a great article handpicked from many relating the status seeking popularity crisis to social media :

I believe one way to fix this would be Canada’s idea of hiding the # of likes a post receives. Food for thought!

It’s more than just Quitting

So, now that i have declined to scroll my life away, I have to make some other decisions.Like getting rid of any bad habit , it MUST be replaced with some good ones or the chance of failure is high.

For instance, i also “quit drinking” 6 months ago. I had a regular habit where i would spend my entire night off getting plastered, the next night doing ‘hair of the dog’, followed by a day recovery for work. After years of this (which was actually an improvement over the previous daily drinking) i came to realize how much of my life was being wasted and i could no longer live in this manner. I won’t go into all that here. Thats on another blog i have.

In order to succeed, i had to fill that time frame with something else. I spent several weeks moping around and secluding myself while i doubted my ability to accomplish my goal. Then, i got busy. That alone was the major factor in my success.

It applies to this “addiction” also. When i get up now i still go get my coffee, have a cigarette and get online. But, what i do online has changed. I check my email, then bank balance, then sign into each of my blogs to consider the previous post and plan the new one. Instead of spending an hour or two, this now takes about 20 minutes.I then proceed to take my bath and low & behold! i am ready to leave my house before 4:30pm! I can run errands, get to the gym, take walks, or whatever else i have planned and no longer feel rushed. Today, i also looked online for various classes, meet up groups, and events nearby.This took about 20 minutes also.I have a list( which i will post later) of things i have long been considering but never had time. Now, i have an extra 20 plus hours per week. I also had my son over for dinner. It was really nice to connect with a human being without either of us looking at our phones or laptops.

The process has begun. Step by step.Day by day. Namaste!

If i don’t exist on Social Media…

Do i really exist at all?…

This question kept popping up in my head. It often led to more questions…Like, if i do exist outside of social media, how ? Besides having a job, paying my bills, and having a family to validate my birth , how else would i be able to validate my self as a worthwhile , living, breathing human being? Am i even important in this world?How do i know? This takes us back to the days before social media- the seemingly end-all , be-all of validation and purpose for many. Let me explain.

Many years ago, we were unable to “share” our life with the entire world.We could not tell the world how we were feeling that day, that we bought a cute puppy, got a new job or share photos of our kids enjoying the latest gift they received or show them playing at a park..We could not simply “post” somewhere that we had accomplished a goal, or share our art, or tell everyone and their sisters best friends cousin that we were in yet another relationship.We did not have selfies, apps, online gaming or even texting. We could not show photos of our daily meals, graduating from school, or even ask question! How horrible not to be able to do these things whenever and wherever we wanted!!With the click of a button!Here’s what we had. Letters, family get togethers, neighborhood gatherings, church, bars, classes, and , for some, our kids activities( sports, dance recitals, scouts, etc). This is where we could brag, complain, lament, meet new people, converse , exchange info and share our lives and daily stories.Horror of horrors- we had to wait for some things to occur or actually GO somewhere!

Then came email..the wonder of wonders- we could send photos around the world to family & friends, we could write a letter in a jiffy , press send and boom! Everyone could catch up in way less time than sending a handwritten letter. And , for goodness sake, we didn’t have to wait until a holiday to know what brother Billy Bob was up to !

As we know, technology just skyrocketed from there and now we have a huge worldwide system of social media sites to blast our personal business with just a click or two 24 hours a day, every day. And, at first, this was fabulous.

But after awhile, it became predictable, expected even ,for everyone to communicate in this manner.And soon, we started hearing the complaints and murmurs that everyone was always looking down at their cell phones, that there was no human connection anymore. And, for the most part, it certainly appears that way.

But, what if (and i know this has been asked many times) all social media sites suddenly disappeared.? How many of us would even have more than a few close friends?How much of a real social life would we still have? How would we validate ourselves without the constant approval or disapproval of online contacts?Would any of our so called “friends” bother to seek out our company or try to communicate? Would most of them even know or remember how? I believe this is probably impossible for any one under 30 to even comprehend, and i am pretty darn sure even those of us who are older rarely consider how much of our actual social skills have been lost.And i think if this did happen ,millions of humans would suddenly become( or feel) lost as well. Therapists would be swamped beyond anything we have ever seen in our lifetimes.

For my part, the initial question remains.Over the next 6 months, i will continue to socialize- in real time, meeting people as often as i can and actually spend time talking in person as much as possible( without looking at a screen).

I’m soon to find out how many of the 1300 online friends will still keep in touch and how many are just that- online contacts. I’m ready to find out how i can feel real and valid in the actual world again. I’m ready—–to face the dragon:)

Day 2- Looking Back

Normally, each day when i woke up i would spend at LEAST two hours scrolling online in social media.That’s 14 hours a week.Then, when i got to work, settled in, etc. i would spend another 2-3 hours online.Add 14-21 more hours per week.That’s a part time job , folks! I must explain that it wasn’t just aimless scrolling the entire time. I was answering messages, networking for events, looking at other events,posting art, creating event pages and then , yes, aimless scrolling. But , still.

I look around me when i go out and see this almost everywhere.A complete disconnect from humanity and reality. Hardly anyone actually talking, and sometimes even sitting beside each other-texting each other! Crazy!

Does anyone truly remember what life was like before social media?? I barely recall myself. But, i’m pretty sure i actually knew more people in real life, and in real time.And i am positive i didn’t spend 20 plus hours looking at a screen for “social” purposes.

In fact, as i said, i went back into some old blog posts..Here are some excerpts:

“Tomorrow promises to be a day full of Adventure!We will all be going over to my mom’s for a sub ring, soup, and chips. Maybe we’ll even watch a movie!And chat!. My son & i will stay over & have Christmas morning breakfast. Yup, i’m livin’ large!”

“This is my daughter with the cake we made together from scratch this weekend….delicious!”

“Today it seems to be drizzling, a bit windy – but still the temp is pretty good. i’ll either run outside or go to the gym.”

“My husband has been working on a nursery in preparation for my future grandchildren(i know- i am sooo jumping the gun, but i cant help it!)”

“As we build the foundation of the church, our goal is to also build the foundation of faith in the village”

I could go on..and on.Most of these things go way back to 2007-2011. The early years. Before the soul sucking drama, before the endless nightmare of scrolling through feeds, before my only presence in life was in an online format.

I’m re learning what i did with my time first, and seeing how i can apply it in my current lifestyle. Today’s accomplishments: i went to the gym, picked up produce at my daughters, and spoke to my son in person. Now, i’m home and working on creating this blogsite and compiling a bucket list. What are YOU doing today?Namaste!

Let’s Begin

As i stated, recently- this week in fact, i began to have some serious revelations about the state of the world- my world , my community, my personal life & choices and a few other things. Number one- i have been spending WAY too much time on Facebook. While i’ve never been an Instagram, Twitter or other platform person, Facebook has been a mainstay in my daily life for many many years.I started to think about who and what i used to be before it all started becoming a habit and started asking questions of myself like “How did i use to spend my time?” and “How has seeing everyones opinions, emotional battles, meme sharing and excessive advertising changed my views of the world?( not to mention constant sharing of unverified articles and “news”)”. What have i actually gained by being an online presence every single day in such formats?”-The answers weren’t, as they say, clear.

One thing that was very clear though to me is that i had evolved into a wholly different person over these years. I’ve become more cynical, jaded, depressed, anxious, and compare myself more. I’ve spent hours seething or in melancholy because of something related to what i saw, heard or felt related to that platform. I’ve spent hours, days, sometimes weeks, engulfed in rage or controversy . I’ve based my own self worth of the value i felt was reflected by the # of likes, comments and shares i received or how much response i got to comments. I spent many lonely days and nights berating my value and pretty much living in a state of despair – feeling like no one liked me, everyone ignored me, and/or worse.I did less of the things i enjoyed. And way less of those things which kept me healthy, balanced and constructive.

For years i have rationalized keeping my account open because of my art. I’ve rationalized to myself millions of times how many more “friends” i have now as opposed to my previous “seclusion”. I have beaten myself up over stupid reactions as well as the lack of interaction. This has become nothing more than a destructive habit.I need a break to get things back into balance.

And, i want my life back.

So, i began reading my old blog posts which started around 2007, and remembered that , hey, i was a pretty together and likable person then. I was rarely depressed or anxious. I had goals and accomplished so much it is hard for me to comprehend now. I was healthier inside and out and yes, i even had an awesome sense of humor.

Looking into it deeper & deeper i’ve discovered many things that had changed . I had to seriously analyze what happened, why, and admit that i no longer even liked myself.

It’s time.

Time for a fresh start, honest evaluations, determination, and a complete and total make over . Time for changes and developing more productive habits.I want a life of calm happiness and energy. I want focus and a positive self image. The world is my oyster- and i intend to go fishing.

Day 1- The Idea

Today, yes is the first day of the the rest of your life! We hear this all the time. We rarely heed the warning. Recently, i have had other warnings in my life – the dawning of menopause and all that it brings,getting older, awareness of the brainwashing we receive from constant use of social media, the deluge of advertising and its consequences, the side effects of eating processed foods,the lack of substantial constructive exercise , indulgence in excesses of alcohol, etc. The list is pretty long. And my world has been changed forever as a result. I believe i speak for many on that score.

So, today, i made a decision to embark on a 6 month ( at LEAST) project to reclaim some lost parts of myself, regain some faith in humanity, and to find better and healthier ways of connecting to others as well as taking a serious stance on my own well being. Today- i decided i would deactivate my Facebook account in 24 hours.

Now, that may not seem like a huge thing to some . But , understand this. I have been an active member since 2007, darn near it’s inception date. Over a time frame of about 20 years i began to include it in my daily life, with only a year in there not really posting due to attending nursing classes followed by a very stressful tenure at a hospital immediately afterwards. I had no time and was barely functioning. I was in survival mode mostly. But outside of that period, i have been getting in deeper and deeper, entrenched in a magnetic daily ritual of checking, scrolling, posting , commenting, liking, and creating pages & groups( which of course made my dependence on it even worse). So, long story short- i lamented for a very long time on what happened in my life, what changed and how i could try to make it better.

I’m still trying to get a grasp on the structure of this blog site so i beg your patience. Thanks for visiting and hope you come back!

p.s. if for some reason you are seeing two photos here that are the same it is because i noted i can only see the original picture in my editing area so i added it again..apologies:)


My name is Lovie and i am in recovery…from a life of stagnation, depression, purposelessness and hopelessness. I am a pediatric RN and a visual artist. Starting this blog to help myself and maybe, just maybe, someone else in their journey to leading their best life! Welcome!