The Mid Life Crisis Recovery

I wrote briefly in a previous post about the beginnings of my time on Facebook. What I haven’t gone into is how it was so closely related to my mid-life crisis.  I was in a marriage of about 10 years from 2002- 2012. By the end of 2011 ,however, I decided to leave that life and start a new one. One of the motivating factors was gaining a false sense of community  through Facebook -i.e.- all of the “friends” it allowed me to add/reconnect with, and the “lifestyle” comparisons that were in my face every day. 

Prior to all of this noise and excitement, my life was fairly stable. I was mainly just lonely as my husband and I worked 60-70 hours a week and rarely spent any time together. We had very little in common. In real life ( not online) I probably only had about 3-4 close friends that I saw maybe 4 times a year. But I kept busy in the sense that I worked overtime hours, went to church and bible study,attended neighborhood get togethers, and got the gym 5 nights a week and yoga twice per week.  I can look back NOW and say that, although I wasn’t “happy”, I was at least content.

Then along came the lure of social media. I started to feel like I was missing things in my life. Lots of friends, social activities, being in a creative community….and I wanted a partner that I was able to spend quality time with rather than just working all the time. In November of that year, I left and filed for a divorce. I moved in with an old high school crush. My life changed forever.

The first few months were awesome. I felt free of all the obligations and repression. I started getting out more, doing more art, and meeting people. I got involved with the York arts scene in a very intense way. My new boyfriend and I held many parties and had a lot of fun. BUT—along with all of that (cue the music of doom) I started smoking again after 10 years of being a non-smoker, stopped going to the gym, and started drinking heavily. Over the next 2 ½ years, I lost a 300,000 home, my 8,000 in cash savings, my $41,000 401k, and pawned a 20,000 engagement ring for 4,000.I left a salaried job, and for about 6 months lived on unemployment. I did not bond with my first grandson like I should have and rarely saw any of my own family. I won’t go into the relationship details, but eventually it all went downhill and I left…again. 

I lost a LOT. And it took me another 2 ½ years and a lot MORE heartache to get back to even being stable, gainfully employed, and independent. Today, I am finally alcohol free( over 8 months) and getting back to the gym regularly, saving money, am gainfully employed , and am in the process of looking for a home of my own to buy. That last decision has come on the heels of FINALLY being rid of the grip and influence social media has had on me for so many years as I struggled to compete and keep myself “out there” as an artist .

Being away from social media has truly helped me see things more clearly. I am getting older and need to adjust my priorities before it’s too late. I can still be an artist, I can still be social, and still be involved- just on a more realistic level that doesn’t hinder my own future. It’s amazing to me how much of the ‘smoke & mirrors’ has cleared in only a short time and I am feeling like I am on a better more productive path. I’m excited about the future now. And while I still have work to do on myself and there are still many obstacles to overcome, at least I no longer think that light in the distance is an oncoming train.Namaste!