Month: October 2019

One of the most amazing things to me is how my life has changed over the past year.For one thing, last November when I first decided I wanted and needed to quit drinking, I set out to mainly regain a sense of structure and stability. My MAIN goal was to eliminate toxicity( of all kinds) from my life. I wasn’t even sure exactly what the ‘end goal ‘ was or how to go about it. It took many steps and some deep self-analysis to understand exactly what I wanted and some of the processes that were ahead of me. January 18^th, 2019 I decided to stop messing around and have been 100% successful in my recovery. Now , rather than spending 2 nights a week either drunk or dealing with a hangover, I am now spending that time and much of my other time actively engaged in the pursuit of goals that had seemed impossible for a very long time

Many other smaller goals  along the way have been accomplished and I am fairly proud of myself . But in July of this year  I knew, in spite of my hesitations, that one of the key pieces to my continued success was to quit the chaos, craziness & life sucking toxicity of social media.

Similar to most recoveries, I looked forward to 30, 60 and now 90 days. Within each of those time frames, while those goals evolved the most important thing has been an increase in focus on reality, clarity and vision. In that way, i have come to the following conclusions:

1. I no longer want to participate in the community in the ways that I had been attempting in the past 8 years. Not even in the ways I have endeavored to do in the last 3 or even 1 year prior to July. I have set new, more realistic and peaceful goals that are more in keeping with the life I have imagined for myself. The chaos will no longer reign and my efforts will be more decisive and productive.

2. My personal goals have changed as well, including keeping my life more private in order to experience a more balanced and healthy day-to-day. 

3. I have added some material/financial ambitions, some health related goals, family related intentions and some decisions pertaining to future relationships.

I expect to have some bumps along the way and even a few setbacks. But I am more confident than ever that the goals I aspire to can and will be achieved over time. 

I will never regret the positive choices I have made this past year and i hope to inspire others to also work toward  living their best life and achieving their goals. Remember -Life is a journey- Enjoy the Ride!

Namaste

This photo was taken sometime in mid 2010. I was ecstatic that I finally found a live starfish on the beach that I had visited every summer for over 15 years. I had been looking without success for so long I had almost given up. I took it inside and put it in seawater for a bit to show it off to my family but it died after only a few hours. So, I placed it on the kitchen window sill to ‘dry out’ ( hoping I could preserve it.)

Alas, it was not to be….

Unbeknownst to me, certain starfish are very fragile and fall apart to a consistency of sand when dry unless preserved in a very particular way. I was pretty upset. Fortunately, the following year, I found one already dead on the beach ( after a hurricane) and was able to preserve it properly.

Sometimes this is how life goes. You may wish for something fervently only to find it wanting when you receive it. Or you may receive the wish and find you are not prepared for it. Or you may receive it and find out you really didn’t want it after all. People often use the phrase “be careful what you wish for” and I often add “even if wishing upon a star” ( then chuckle at my own inside joke).

It’s not necessarily a ‘bad’ thing to wish for something. It’s human nature to desire things we don’t have- whether they be materialistic, emotional, or situational. Many times, it gives us hope or something to look forward to. But if we are not clear and focused about what it is we truly wish for, just like my star fish, it can quickly crumble. Additionally, if we are not prepared or aware of certain aspects, we may find ourselves wishing we never wanted it in the first place. Much like a child who wishes for a pet , then loses interest or finds it’s needs too demanding, sometimes the object of our desire becomes an innocent victim of abuse and/or neglect. We need to carefully consider exactly what will be required of us to attain and maintain down the road.

As a homeowner once again, I recall the first time I held the responsibility of ownership. There were many times in the first year or two that I wished to be just a renter again. Taxes, repairs,  and responsibilities seemed daunting. There were electrical upgrades, a balcony that needed replaced, a muddy yard that was not compatible with my 3 dogs, and permits required to do EVERYTHING. Eventually, I got through it all, learned to enjoy the process, and reaped the rewards when I later sold it. I certainly learned a lot and was able to make decisions with more discernment when purchasing my next few homes.

If you are wishing for something in your life right now, please take some serious time to consider all of the consequences should you get your heart’s desire. Especially if it’s a person you believe you want in your life. Consider their shortcomings , their needs , and their  views and how that will fit in to your own life BEFORE you commit. Because failing to do so makes YOU partially responsible for resulting problems related to ‘turning a blind eye’.

When we are fully aware to the best of our knowledge regarding our wishes, we are more likely to endure any hardships or even surprises along the way. I am looking forward to my new home and the projects that i have planned, but I am also very aware of many possible unexpected issues. And with that, I will go forth in this adventure with courage, hope and excitement!

Peace!

I am now a proud Home Owner! Settlement was today and went very quick & smoothly…Finally, I can relax just a bit and let it sink in.

We started moving and will be all week with our longest day being Thursday. It will still be exhausting, as it always is when moving, but we are very happy and excited!

On another note: I deactivated again from Fb tonight, as promised, after the 24 hr. reactivation. I noted that out of 112 views and 55 visitors, I only received 2 likes and 4 comments( on this Blog).. again-amazing what you learn about Facebook when you experiment like I have been. I believe only 31 “friends” out of 1284 even liked the FB post itself and only about 7 commented. It truly puts things in perspective. You find out how totally unimportant you really are out there. And how much the world really cares( not!) about any status you may post…LMAO!

It was very weird to even be on FB for the 24 hours though. I didn’t even have the urge to scroll or look at anything else. It seems that the old patterns and addictions are well on their way to the trash bin as I progress with my new life and lifestyle. So far, everything has been very positive about the changes I’ve made with the exception being continued mild loneliness and some depression related to seeing that world for what it is. But honestly, I regret none of it and it is certainly proven to be a move well made.

For now, I will be unpacking, setting up home and  pressing forward to meet my goals.. I expect more challenges along the way but also more insight and determination. Thanks to those who have followed my journey and to any new followers! I am extremely grateful for you input and support. 

Namaste!!

Often times when we are feeling sorry for ourselves,  a quiet voice starts whispering little lies to us. Ones that tell us we are not really at fault for our woes, but, rather that someone else is. It starts very subtly- usually when we are alone-maybe while we are getting dressed one day, or taking a shower. Then, maybe when we get in the car and head down the road to work. Then, perhaps another time when we are in our bedroom trying to fall asleep. 

The whispers grow louder and more frequent, eventually invading not only our alone time but whilst around others. At first we keep them inside- considering, rationalizing and validating. We may begin to believe some of them. And after a while, we may even begin to express them to others. 

“I wouldn’t be in this position if _______ hadn’t done _____to me.”

“I haven’t had it easy because my parents split up when I was young.”

“The boss didn’t like me, that’s why I got fired.”

“My sister was always the favorite. I’ve always felt inadequate because of that”.

“I have a disability. I can’t get anywhere in life.”

And so on…..

I’ve posted about the “victim mentality” before. Most of us have heard all of the above before, or a similar version of it, from people who seem to blame everyone or just life itself for their problems. But what about someone who isn’t generally like that but experiences a betrayal? What about that feeling of “Et tu, Brute?”

Even stable, balanced and generally happy people have a person or two that we trust our hearts to, trust that they will always understand and validate our feelings as well, whether those feelings are justified or not. We may even call it ‘support’. It may be a friend, a spouse or family member. And when they do not agree, we feel unloved, spiteful, angry and sometimes even vengeful .It can cause us to isolate ourselves, dwell on our resentments, and worst of all, react very rashly. 

It happens. It’s awful. And can lead to some very bad life choices.  

So, what can you do to keep from spiraling down into a purposeless, paralyzing depression or reacting in an extreme manner? What if you are already there or have done so? How do you get back on track when it feels like there are no road signs or even tracks to get on again? I’ve been there, and it’s no picnic. And from real life experience I say the following:

1.Sometimes we just have to face the reality that our feelings cannot be validated 100% of the time. And that some feelings we bear are of our own creation. As much as we want that trusted friend to commiserate with us whenever we want or our lover to understand our deepest fears and cater to them, this is not always going to happen.

2. Once we accept this, we have to make a decision to continue allowing those feelings to obstruct our progress in life or decide to “deal” with them head on.

3.Once you make a decision, realize that dealing with them takes actual EFFORT. And no one but YOU can do the work. It’s uncomfortable, it’s humiliating, and it can take time.

4. You can forgive them. You can still love them. And you can set boundaries that cause no harm, but still keep you on track towards healing.

5.Here’s the good news. You can start today. That’s right. No matter what happened. EVEN IF the other person may have been wrong. EVEN IF they will never apologize or accept responsibility. But especially, EVEN IF you realize YOU were in the wrong. You can begin the process of emotional recovery without blaming anyone else or expecting them or someone else to fix it.

I hope someone can benefit from this list. It’s taken a lifetime of hurt for me to be able to pass along my best advice here. It’s what I’ve had to do many times and still have to do. But, the alternative is a life of misery and stagnation. And that is not something I recommend to anyone. Namaste!

So, yeah- I’m one of those idiots who watched “Wild” , got inspired and decided to make thru hiking something ( hopefully the AT ) a bucket list goal..

Yeah, I know- sounds ludicrous ,right? But consider that I have also been a competitive rock climber, gotten my auto mechanics license( as a female), white water Kayaked, trained as a Body builder, gone spelunking, parasailing, hot air ballooning and bungee jumped. I’ve been married & divorced 3 times, had 2 kids, lived on the streets, been through several physically abusive relationships, been alcoholic, and even gotten my motorcycle license ( though I never used it). And I could write a book on all the death defying stunts I’ve pulled in life and situations I’ve survived.I am what they call “small, but fierce”.

Would I be a good hiker? I have no idea. But, as they say, it’s about the journey and not the destination. As I sift through hundreds of documentaries, articles, blogs, books and other information as I casually plan a thru hike in about 2 years, I constantly doubt myself:

“What about my bunions, back pain and allergies?”

“How will I ever be able to afford it and/or quit my job?”

“I am so short, how will I overcome certain situations if I am alone?”

“What if I become paralyzed with fear at the worst possible moment?”

“Maybe I am too old, out of shape, and stupid to do this”

But, worst of all:

“What if I FAIL?”

I will say this– they say you cannot prepare for a thru hike. I’ve heard it over & over. But I have to disagree(sort of). I don’t mean the physical part( many senior citizens, young children, overweight persons and first timers out there) or the “itinerary”( which most state they throw out the 1^stday)- I agree with all that well enough and understand it. But- I have to stand firm that looking at your proposed route ahead of time and gobbling up as much insight as you can before the actual start date is extremely helpful. I have learned so much in such a short time already- gear I never knew about or even dreamed of, potential injuries and illnesses, wildlife issues( bears, insects & snakes) and, especially, watching the emotional ups & downs of actual hikers on the trail in real time- I cannot even begin to describe how much this has changed my perspective over & over. As I watch the literal MISERY, pain, fear and hardships I take in the potential realities of the goal and constantly re-assess . I watch all three of the triple crown hike videos from many varied hikers. Usually , I’ll see something like Grizzlies, rattlesnakes, hip deep snow, and swarms of mosquitoes.. along with twisted ankles, giardia symptoms, and ledges along downhill slides that look like Olympic skiing spots and I start thinking “no way, this is stupid.. I could NEVER deal with that…”. Then I will allow it to settle in and I go back for another round of tales , trials and tribulations anyway. To me, this is a little mental prep- way before the actual trip.

The thing is, I have faced real life every single day for 52 plus years and I am still alive. I look back often and remember many truly scary and life threatening things I have survived. Things that I did NOT chose, things that I would never want to go through again, and things that NO ONE would want to experience. So, really…is planning a thru hike- potentially inspiring and soul altering, something many actually WANT to do and choose, and would do again if they could—a bad thing? I think not.

If I get in my car and drive on dangerous highways daily and live ,walk and play in a high crime area, & regularly go to places I don’t know at all( and alone at that)…why would I hesitate to drive to a trail head, hike for 6 months, and experience the natural wonders with a MUCH lower danger level than those things I do without batting an eyelash? Even with all the potential scariness or miserable-as-hell stories, I deal with much worse, much more often and don’t have a snowballs chance in Hades of getting the potential rewards. So, there’s my rational .

Worst case scenario, I train and get in shape…buy cool equipment , save money and then decide not to do it anyway…and that’s ok. Because I will still be healthier, have that cool stuff( which I can sell or use other times), have learned a ton just in researching the whole thing and extra money to use for something elseJ

I say, it’s a Win/Win!

P.s.- I believe I already have a fitting trail name, or will be given it shortly after beginning.. which I will own-“Flatulence”- hey- it is what it is…lmao!

(How I  established my credit, saved money, and rebuilt my life)

Warning:- This is a long read.

This post is for the desperate soul who says time & time again “I am no good at saving money” or “I have no money to save.”Neither of which is usually true, but rather just a habitual phrase used as an excuse for not doing so. I say that directly and without apology but with the following disclaimer only:

If you do not have a job, a place to live, or transportation- this post is not for you. Take care of those things first in whatever way you can. I am not able to offer advice or help for those issues. If , however you have those things and are reading this  , I hope the following is of some value.

First: A short background for the usual “nay sayers”: I have been both a single mother of two with no job skills and a person without a partner to help with finances( many times). I come from a very poor back ground ,and by that I mean a childhood in which we often went without heat, hot water, and/or electric for various time frames and/or lived with others because we were without means. Food was scarce and usually acquired from our own garden, hunters in the family, and government assistance ( my mother was also often single). There was NO family help available for education ,a graduation trip or even a class ring, much less a first car . I was emancipated at the age of 15 and worked my butt off to become the person I am today. I have had NO help from the usual sources or any generous hand-outs. I am in no way “privileged” unless you can write me a check right now making it so. Just saying.

Ok, moving on.

I started learning about money at an early age. I made stupid mistakes (as we all do) but unfortunately for me, those mistakes lead to serious life issues. I have worked at tax paying jobs since the age of 12, and in the naivety of my youth( up until my late 20’s)- I spent that money on fashionable clothes, purchasing specialty foods on a whim, taking  days off work for no real reason –often resulting in getting behind on real bills and having my utilities shut off, being unable to buy groceries, and many times stressing over how to afford even diapers & baby food. It took a few years of suffering and then having to file bankruptcy in the early 90’s ( after my 2^ndchild was born) to realize the endless folly of my ways.

After filing , I knew my credit was shot for 10 years, but I began my recovery immediately. I was able to raise my score, buy a car and home , and acquire a reasonable credit card before the decade was up. Here’s how:

1. I started an cash envelope system. I did this because using a bankcard , bouncing checks and paying fees for overdrafts , etc. was part of my problem. I closed ALL my accounts( for a while) and converted every pay check to cash weekly.. I had an envelope for and put cash in each for every bill / payment and used money orders to pay for anything I couldn’t just use cash for outright. Stuff like rent was divided into weekly amounts to be paid on time by the due date. This alone helped me to avoid ATM fees, the temptation to withdraw too much, or write checks and “hope” I could cover them.
2. I attacked my credit score with a vengeance and used guerilla tactics to raise it. I was weekly at the credit bureau clearing up mistakes, making sure anything I paid off was removed promptly and making deals to pay debts off for half of what I owed  immediately in exchange for the debtors written promise to remove it from my credit report.
3. During this time I learned to do extreme couponing. I didn’t have a newspaper or magazine subscription, I simply stopped at a local laundromat and went through their community free boxes. I asked friends, family & neighbors for their coupon sections if they weren’t using them. In addition, I went the extra mile and GOT THOSE MAIL IN REBATES…even the ones for just $1( as long as the postage was paid for or the rebate amount was worth paying the postage) .
4. All of those rebates, along with loose change, ‘found money’ and random bits of income from yard sales or small side jobs went into and STAYED in a savings account.
5. I started a daily record of expenditures, even down to a quarter used for a phone call( yes, I’m old-lol). I eliminated all stops at convenience stores, started getting most groceries at dollar stores, making all my own meals and coffee at home, packing lunches from home ( crock potting & freezing portions).
6. I cut out cable, any unnecessary travel by car, called for reduced rates on EVERYTHING, and lived in 1 room efficiencies for periods at a time to save money, even though I had 2 children. I did not buy anything I didn’t need or use, did not eat out, and wore clothes only from the salvation army or what was given to me. I used this money alone for a loan costs on my first house in the late 90’s AND I bought that home ( from a friend) by using a contract which allowed paying rent for a year and that amount to go towards the down payment. Those types of arrangements are out there, just look around and ask.
7. I applied for a credit card through Capital One where I sent them $300 and they sent me a secured card to start re-building my credit. I would spend $25 on something I needed( like gas) every month then pay it off on time. It took 2 years but eventually I was allotted unsecured credit , and it was increased as I went as long as I paid on time.
8. Next, i purchased a reliable car( not a pretty one) through the buy here pay here program. The total cost of the car was $1500, which I paid off in 12 monthly payments totaling a little over $2000. Then, I went to a real dealership with my established credit and got a much newer car. Eventually, I was able to get a brand new one.
9. All of this lead me to a point where I COULD start actually setting aside money for any unforeseen emergencies and begin upgrading because I  had my basic needs met.I fixed up my 1^sthome and sold it at a profit, then I bought my 2^ndhome in 2000.I went to school for my LPN , and got a job after. I incorporated the “Pay Yourself First” plan. I gave myself $30 only every week( allowance) for whatever I wanted ,then I put away $25 faithfully until I could afford $50 a week.I sold my 2^ndhome for a profit then I bought my 3^rdhome( this time with a husband) in 2007 and completed my 2^ndnursing degree(RN) in 2008 through an online course(taking 18 months) paying off the loan as I went and then got a better paying job.. Eventually I worked up to $100 savings a week and over time I saved $8000 . I also put the maximum each week into a 401k which built up to $40,000 (which I stupidly cashed in at a huge loss my Mid-life Crisis in 2012- see The Mid Life Crisis Recovery .
10. Food- this is an area where most people actually have some control, they just don’t want to. You CAN pack your home prepared lunches from scratch every day. I saved an average of $25 a week just by doing this in 1997/98 and have done it ever since. At today’s prices-5 shifts a week , approximately $7-10 for an average lunch bought out, that is $1820-2600/year!
11. I opted for the cheapest (and preferably free) entertainment possible. This included walks, listening to music and dancing at home, riding my bike, buying used movies to watch (only $2 at a pawn shop- today online streaming is way cheaper than buying any movies or cable- some are even free!), using household items to work out with, and playing board games instead of going on vacations, to the movies, gym memberships or out with friends to dinner or bars. For me, this saved about $300 a month! Again- it went into savings.
12. Pets are expensive. I could have saved much more if I did not have them( when I looked back it cost me about $100/month including food, bathing, grooming, vet appointments and general cleaning up after them- the list is long and varied). Plus I had to buy allergy medication for myself at the average cost of $25 a month. Todays costs are much more. I have not owned one since 2012 and will not again until I am retired and have time for them- but , even then, only if I can easily afford their care and upkeep without sacrificing my own.
13. At any time possible, I paid all credit cards each month before they acquired interest. I transferred to 0 interest cards every time I could.For large purchases, I paid as much as possible from any and all money not used for basic life needs and bills. Some weeks I had an extra $50, some weeks I had an extra $100- and paying off items that accrue interest is a priority! Yes, you can  forego that double latte espresso or that cool hair accessory or that neat motorcycle gadget until you are at a zero balance. Start yourself a small weekly allowance for that stuff- if that’s only $10, then that’s all you get.
14. Over the years I have acquired several degrees. The highest loan amount I have ever accepted for these is $2,200 . Everything else I paid for as I went, sacrificing whatever I had to so as NOT to go into debt. Sometimes I had to wait for a month or so until I could afford the next class. If you desire an education, either get a scholarship, grant or commit to the pay as you go program. In this country, too many are in debt for a lifetime with school loans and most will not overcome it until mid-life, later or never. And, consider the next item:
15. It IS possible to make decent money with a simple tech school degree or by working your way up. It IS possible to get a decent wage paying unskilled job if you keep your nose clean– meaning don’t use drugs, get a DUI or acquire a criminal record AND be committed as a good employee( not coming in late, taking off, or not showing up) but also not whining,gossiping, spreading negativity and blaming others on the job. I hear many today complaining , but most are usually unwilling to adhere to common sense and would rather make excuses than viable effort.
16. I’ll finish up here- YOU are the only one who can do this. No one is going to do it FOR you- no matter how witty, beautiful, or young, ..no matter how old, broke, disabled or otherwise “underprivileged” you are. Most who have never gotten ahead and most who never will are the ones who remain stuck on repeat of old , ineffective, and purposeless patterns .If you give up, give in or quit- you get nothing, not even a chance.And if you change nothing, nothing will change—-So, take a really hard look at yourself , your choices, and your situation. And maybe, just maybe- you CAN save some money, make some changes for the better, and have those very things that seem impossible right now.

Good Luck!

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a pirate. I mean, how COOL would it be to sail a huge wooden ship all over the world looking for treasure? From the first time I watched Peter Pan- I didn’t want to be Tinkerbell, Wendy or even Peter Pan. I wanted to be Captain Hook. Then there was Treasure Island, The Pirates of Penzance, Hook, Sinbad the Sailor and, later, The Princess Bride. As I grew older , I read and collected books specifically about life on the ocean , like Moby Dick( fiction) and many historical accounts – Blackbeard, Anne Bonny and Mary Steed –as well as any books about pirates and ocean life/lore that I could get my hands on . I still do. Of course, I own all 5 of The pirates of The Carribbean Movies. Even my astrological sign fits the bill- Aquarians are the ‘Water Bearer’, yet they are an air sign( on the ocean but above the water- see where I am going with that?). Wearing those cool hats, visiting exotic locations, seeing whales & octopuses, owning a parrot or monkey… the list of my obsessions with it all is endless! 

Yup- a pirate’s life for me! 

Naturally, as a Pirate( if only in spirit) I gave birth to a land Mermaid (my daughter) and a Gypsy( my son). And, in many ways, their natures reflect those designations.)

So, even if I cannot , literally become a pirate, I can and have incorporated things in my life that remind me of my first love. It’s one of the things that keep me grounded when the tides turn ( pun intended).

Not only do I collect books and movies, over the years I have collected shells, pirate décor, and focused much of my own art( painting) on marine life and ocean scenes. I study the nuances of the ocean and water itself. I even sometimes wear pirate-y clothing, sing pirate songs ( I know quite a few!) and sometimes eat like one. It’s a tiny bit of my true spirit that makes everyday life bearable. Alas, I cannot handle rum though( and probably a good thing)!

As adults many of us have lost that playful nature. We get too serious, and too far from our imaginations. But, we need to try to keep our inner child in ways that are harmless, uplifting, and inspiring. It can bring us joy and sentiment,  innocent laughter, deep philosophy, as well as a reconnection with our soul.

What is your spirit child?Who does she/he long to be? And how can you bring that spirit back to life?

Allow yourself to daydream a bit and remember. You never know what you will rediscover. Namaste!

I believe daily challenges are essential to change and improvement. And I believe they should be both physical and mental.

Today, I tackled walking/hiking by myself again. I went to a trail I had been on before, but this time I challenged myself to do it in reverse. Also, along the way, I took various side trails that I had been curious about AND committed to staying off pavement the whole time even if it meant walking beside the some of the trail itself. There was a lot more incline doing all of this and it was a bit tougher on my ankles, plus there were a few brief moments of fear about where I was , since it gets dark during my usual walk times- the biggest being that the park would close its gates before I got back and my car would be stuck there overnight. Bit i did it! So both aspects of the challenge were covered. Each time I walk, I increase my time and add distance- today I covered approximately 4 miles( mostly uphill) in 1 hour.

Back at home I continued the physical part by immediately recommencing with packing. We have less than a week before settlement so packing has been more intense. We are surrounded by boxes!!

All of that took about 3 ½ hours of my time including a few errands after the walk. So much better than the time I USED to spend scrolling on Facebook and pacing around the house. At the end of each day I have stayed committed to self- care as well. I stretch , meditate, use my heat pad and take time to mentally process what I’ve accomplished and go over the plans for the next day. I try to eat a little healthier by incorporating more veggies along with some typical trail foods(beef jerky, peanut butter, straight up cooked meat, and lots of water)to start getting my system used to it while I train for long( overnight & week long) hikes down the road.

And that’s it for today…Ciao!