I reactivated tonight for 24 hours to since again share this Blog link in case anyone missed it in July and wishes to follow along. But i will be deactivating once again.
So now that I am at the half way point of this project, I felt it was a good time to re-evaluate , to go over some changes from my initial ideas and plans, and be honest about what has happened so far on my journey. Hopefully this will inspire some, and put others at ease, because even after 104 posts, 90 days in, and 52 years of life, I sure a s h*ll am not perfect and have not passed every challenge with flying colors.
- I have been producing less art as a result of not having a place to “show it off”. In addition to the complete absurdity of self-validation via Fb ( i.e.- selfies, vanity posts, and attention seeking behavior)I have come to realize that I was also using Fb to validate myself by posting art. So, I was at faultin that area. There is something very sad about “needing” that type of validation to feel good about oneself. Additionally, a side effect of art taking a back seat at the moment due to the home buying process is that it has forced me to reevaluate my continued role in the community moving forward.
- At first I was somewhat upset when 99% of those I interacted with often did not “reach out “ to me when I deactivated. Only a handful have even glanced at this blog. But, I was also guilty of not reaching out. I have started messaging several people that I value and would like to remain friends with. Too often we egotistically blame others for things we do or don’t do ourselves. This was one of my shortcomings. At any rate, it’s pretty damn lonely out here at times.
- In the first week or so my goal was to get up and do other stuff before getting online, like take my bath. I have failed at that. I get up , have my coffee, and STILL go online first. Bad habits. But I have had to accept that it’s one habit I won’t be able to break completely. Part of this is because when buying a home, much of it requires online stuff done in a timely manner. So, I still check my messenger, my emails, my bank account and then look at a few other blogs that I follow. BUT- all of this still takes only a few minutes—way less of my time than aimless scrolling.
- I have been up & down in my healthy eating. At about 6 weeks in, I started slowly eating junk again( chocolate, some bread items, some potatoes here & there) . I chalk this up to going through some depression and loneliness from the withdrawal =compensation. In the past several weeks I have been steadily improving , making small changes each day – it’s part of the process , guys. No one is perfect.
- I have been rethinking physical fitness in my life. I have rediscovered the joys of walking/hiking and have casual ambitions to train for a thru hike in the next two years. So, I may just trade in my gym membership for some hiking boots and continue to reconnect with nature and my inner-self while getting physically healthier at the same time.
- I have gone through several “pink clouds” and false starts on various projects (it happens) -after which inevitably comes the part where you either stay committed, tweak the plan or abandon the idea altogether.
- I am learning the hard waythat many of my ideas, goals and new perspectives are mine & mine alone. I cannot expect anyone else to follow along or do what I do. Many of my initial plans continue to change and evolve during this time as I become more aware of myself and others around me. I no longer assume that everyone is “along for the ride” and that it is definitely a more “solo” adventure than I anticipated -both in the physical daily realm and internally. Therefore, I have adjusted some of my priorities. I have and will be letting things go, and moving forward as my discoveries and challenges dictate.
- I’ve learned that people get bored way more quickly and easily than I do with most things. There is precious little commitment out there. They begin a project or talk about it and ultimately abandon it. Often, they exchange it for the next , newest or more exciting idea then abandon that one too. Again, I believe that having too many opinions, choices and ways to opt outhas caused a plague of less discipline and stability. While it is always disappointing to watch, I have had to come to terms with it.
- My view on friendships has definitely changed. Although I will always be friendly and not anti-social, I have developed a more discerning stance and value my privacy more. Not everyoneis worthy of my time and energy( and I do not mean that in an egotistical way).
- I still roll my eyes when I see people with their nose in their phones. It’s judgmental, I know. And I promise to work on that. My journey is not their journey .
- I am happier with myself in ways that I did not expect. I no longer wake up and ask “what is wrong with me?” as I have done for years. Since I have taken the time to TRULY remove myself from the chaos and naivety of social media and work on “real Life”, lots of things have changed. And I am more grateful than ever that I made this decision.
- Facebook is still Facebook and now has added a “Dating App”– As if i needed another reason to remove myself from the stupidity. It’s become the world’s largest “idiot convention” with an ever- increasing # of negatives over positives. The ONLY value I can still even consider is being able to see events going on at places( galleries) that have no other website. Blogging has been such a joy and so much better. I will soon be going back to edit and delete the less important posts and possibly adding photos for some as well. I may or may not continue the blog after 6 months ….or who knows, I could start writing a book! The sky is the limit!
I’ll leave it at that for now because I still have 3 months to go. Lots of things can change in that time. As long as I am open , honest, and continue to apply myself daily I grow more confident. “Who I thought I Was” has been replaced by “Who I Really Am” and “Who do I aspire to be”. The peace I feel, the growth and the accomplishments have been amazing. Thanks for reading!