I’m starting to think about love. After all , my last two relationships were very rocky to say the least, and spanned over 7 years. I was back & forth between the same 2 men during that time. For a long time, I have said to myself and a few others that because I couldn’t seem to break free from either ( emotionally) , maybe they are the only two I will ever love. I have been completely alone since May.
But in the past week, mostly due to some deep thinking and something my roommate said to me, I have been considering the future. A future with someone completely different, and much more suitable. My problem is. Where in the world do I start?
I have considered online dating sites and just learned of one called Bumble which seems different than the rest ( you can google it for info).Maybe.But outside of that, I feel somewhat lost.
I know what I DON’T want. I just don’t know exactly what I DO want beyond a few basic things. So I have been googling topics related to dating after age 50. I found an interesting site which referred to a list of questions to ask a potential partner based on a study by Arthur Aron, a psychologist that seems interesting and I am all for trying it. But I have to actually MEET someone first.
My roommate says she believes this will happen naturally for me, without having to try. That would be great, and I hope for that. But with my work schedule( night shift), it seems rather complicated. And the fact that I work alone ( watching over a medically fragile child at night in his home) really restricts my opportunities for even meeting someone.
I have looked online too for some local interest groups, but most are too far away or do activities during my sleep hours. So, I kind of feel stuck.
I know they say you gotta get out there. And I need to decide how. But first, what am I actually looking for in someone?
I had a list but on second thought, it sounds so very pretentious i deleted it. At any rate , i will probably start looking in May once my year of abstinence is up. any suggestions?
Wake up! 
Ah lists! The great thing about finding love is that it often happens when you least expect it and in my experience love pays no real heed to wish lists. So beware you may end up with a 60 or 30 year old political firebrand with mental health issues. Love constantly works in mysterious ways! Either way I hope you find someone, seems you have so much to offer someone. But be prepared to be surprised!
Jim x
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it sure hasn’t in the past, much to my chagrin.I have made some pretty bad choices . But now that i have my life on track, i don’t see myself settling for something that will ultimately not be a good match or make me miserable..so trying to avoid the mistakes i made before…i’ll settle for content love over drama any day:)
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on second thought, that list was a bit much, so i deleted it…i think it came off sounding pretentious…ugh…..lol
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I agree with your flat mate. You will find it when you least expect it.
Kind.
Someone good to talk to.
Honest.
The rest falls into place.
Love shouldn’t be rushed.
Enjoy. And in the meantime spend time looking after yourself.
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thanks…my commitment was until May, but lately just very lonely and starting to want companionship..just not the WRONG companion..so,,staring to sort out what i might look for, and hence where to spend my time when i do get back out in the world..previously i spent lots of time in the creative community but theres a LOT of crazy drama there and i am longing for something normal….le sigh
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Hey. You deleted the list before I read it. I’m interested to know what was on your list. All I can say is don’t rule someone out because they don’t ‘tick the boxes’. Definitely avoid those who show traits that previously led to rocky relationships but otherwise be open minded if you can. You never know where love will come from and can never predict when it might appear.
I hope you find the right person for you and from what I can tell you deserve someone kind, warm and loving.
Claire xxx
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thanks..that makes sense:)..idk..i was sort of just rambling off a list at 3am,and probably shouldn’t have posted it at all, but at least it wasn’t up very long. I guess i thought it sounded like a dating profile laundry list after i read it a few times and not wanting that here.But basically trying to steer clear of the drama i’ve been around the last decade or so, trying to find someone with a similar temperament and interests, and someone that doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs because i cannot really be around that and stick to my own goals:)
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Well they sound like sensible things to have on a list. I totally get the ‘drama’ thing and it can suck you in. I’m really enjoying the calm drama free feeling. Definitely look out for someone that gives you that feeling. There are people out there .. for sure xx
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ty!hugs!
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Great post and I had zero luck on bumble. I am not sure if I agree with people who say it will come naturally. I hear people who liken it to pregnancy—As soon as you stop trying so hard, you’ll conceive. Or as soon as you give up and apply for adoption, boom you miss your period! But in this day and age with technology and dating, I don’t believe very many are open to “just meeting organically and naturally” (see all those earbuds they’re constantly wearing?) so that chances of that happening have gone down. I recommend the book Calling In The One. I read it and followed directions and right at the seven week mark (on POF ironically) it worked completely as promised. What do you have to lose?
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awesome…i probably need that book in the worst way..i so totally suck at this it seems!
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