Fear and Frustration

Tomorrow, i go in for Covid testing. Here’s why:

About 2 days before i had my first vaccine scheduled, i felt mildly congested. Since I am a smoker, exposed to cats ( very allergic) every night, and winter heating creates dry air, it was nothing too unusual for me. Still , I cancelled my first appointment to be safe and decided to give it the weekend , scheduling my vaccine for Monday. I felt fine then and the nurse said mild congestion with no other symptoms wouldn’t prevent me from getting the vaccine, so i got the first dose and had about 24 hrs of extreme exhaustion, in which i slept a lot. By Tuesday evening i felt fine. Better, in fact, than i did before the vaccine. I went back to work.

For the next week i started feeling the congestion building, but no one around me was getting sick so i figured it was just lingering vaccine effects. However, by last night ( Wednesday- over a week later) i started realizing that my mild cough was progressing ad OTC meds weren’t helping. Since i was scheduled off for the weekend, I scheduled myself for a rapid test for Friday morning.I will know results within a few hours. I then notified my employer . Unfortunately, i was told if it comes back negative, i will still not be allowed back to work until i get the other test which takes 2-4 days for results due to a high incident of false negatives on the rapid test.

If it comes back positive, i will not have to get the other test. But, i will have to self quarantine for at least 10 days and until symptoms have subsided.

That’s the meat of it.

But what i really want to express here is this. I am a nurse in a low risk job ( private duty with same client for over 6 years). Still, i mask up, wash my hands , and have reduced my outings to gas, groceries , and (since March), less than 3 small gatherings of less than 10 people ( last one in Mid December). Outside of my case family( patient)-my quarantine “bubble” has been basically 3 people- 2 roommates, and boyfriend with a few very brief visits to my boyfriends home recently where his roommate also lives.. There have only been a few rare times when i had contact with anyone else – They were brief and 75% of those times i wore a mask and stayed distant.I Chlorox-wiped door handles, light switches, spigots, toilets, etc almost daily. I use antibacterial wipes in my car between each errand i may have to run- on my hands, keys, steering wheel, etc.

In the grand scheme of things , i would say i have been isolated more than 75% of the entire Pandemic.Compared to most people i know, i have been pretty damned cautious. No eating out, no going to bars , shopping or events, and doing what i was told. I had even signed up for the gym again in November but stopped going as of the last lockdown in early December, despite it still being open and losing 2 months of paid membership ( so far). I just didn’t trust it. I even wear gloves to pump my gas and at the grocery store.Yet, still , i may have Covid.

The point is, anyone can get it from anywhere at anytime. It only takes one time. It could be that time when you didn’t use gloves to pick up a prescription at the drive thru. Or didn’t Chlorox wipe off your atm card after the cashier handled it. Any contact with any human at any time ( even if asymptomatic) can result i catching this thing. And worse, everyone has a different experience. Some are so mild it seems like an allergy or sinus issue. Some have one symptom and no others.Some get flu like symptoms. Some get everything full blast – and either recover or do not. Then there’s the long term effects to worry about.

Even with the Vaccine, it takes weeks to build up immunities. Yes, you can still get it even after your first or second dose- they say up to a full 90 days after. Or, maybe like may be the case with me- you came into contact right before the dose and didn’t know it.

It’s a scary world.

Aside from doing a complete Howard Hughes you just can’t know when , where or how. Many of us simply cannot work from home or get everything delivered .We are at risk everyday, no matter how hard we try.

I am fervently hoping this is just a cold or something NOT Covid. But i have to accept that i may be one of the millions in the statistics. As i will be off for at least 5 days, i will post updates.

I hope everyone is feeling well, and sending my prayers to all who are suffering.


Update: both the rapid test and PCR lab test were negative:)


nurse, mother, artist, and chameleon ...

5 thoughts on “Fear and Frustration

  1. Praying 🙏 for a negative result for you. I fail to understand how we still have people in the world that think COVID is a joke. Even my iPhone gets it’s a big deal because it puts it in caps every time. Sending you a big hug xox


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