Day 28

Even though Friday was rough, i made it through and by Saturday afternoon the mental fog had cleared. My BF and i had the most wonderful evening together (without alcohol and no awkwardness.) I do not think in all of our 8 months together i ever felt so calm and comfortable with him , or as close. Phew!yay for sobriety!

What can i say about day 28? I can say it’s much much better than day 1-27…but getting even this far hasn’t been without struggles. There were days i thought i wouldn’t make it through- once again questioning how i would be able to deal with so many things without my weekly fix to look forward to or the easy way around dealing with anxiety. In fact, thats what i want to post about tonight. Anxiety.

I don’t know about the rest of ya’ll but this month for me has been THE worst of all the months of the pandemic. I was sick and had to go through the ordeal of Covid testing in addition to having both doses of the vaccine. I just restarted my recovery after having to admit to relapse. I am also starting the process of quitting smoking again. In addition, my ( peri)menopausal symptoms have been making a screaming come back– rolling hot flashes being the least of it. Not to mention the constant issues with winter weather and loss of income.The result of all this has been extreme anxiety- more frequent and on a scale i have never had before. Days have gone by when i literally feared i was losing my grip on reality, such was the constant fear. But i believe i am finally coming out of the fog ( fingers crossed-hard!)

In that regard, i decided that i needed to push as hard as i could to fight back. Every little measure i can think of- yoga, meditation, lots of water, and a renewed spiritual connection . I even went so far as to scrape all of the black paint off of my bedroom windows and remove all of the room darkening paraphernalia that comes with a decades-long night shift schedule. The only component i kept was the black out curtains which i can draw back as often as possible to let some light into my bedroom when i am not sleeping. My intentions are to bring some low maintenance plants into the room as well to actually have some “life” in my sleeping quarters for the first time in years. I recently bought a large water fountain for my entry way and intend to get a smaller version for my room as well. I did a lot of organizing and purging and even replaced all of my smoke detector batteries..So i feel a (small) sense of accomplishment.

I am determined to win this war against this recently-surfaced demon, and all of his friends.We will ‘come to terms’ and live in peace. I have my battle plan, i have my inner strength, and i have my support system.

A recent acrylic piece- needs a little clean up, but 95% done

Namaste!

Author:

nurse, mother, artist, and chameleon ...

10 thoughts on “Day 28

  1. Wow! Your paintings are beautiful! It sounds like you have a good battle plan. And the more you manage your anxiety with healthy tools rather than alcohol the stronger you will become! Sounds like you had a good night with the BF. I remember being so worried to stop drinking because I’m not sure the hubby and I would have anything to do or if he would like me anymore, but I’ve found that it’s actually improved our relationship and we’re even closer now! Keep up the good fight!

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    1. i am crossing my fingers..when i initially got sober i was with someone who also drank but had been a heavy drinker ( and previous drug user) since high school. It’s a long story but, in short when we both decided to get sober i had high hopes, and also worried about this stuff. Unfortunately , after a few months i found out he was still drinking on the sly and i broke it off. But the worst part about it was that my fears had come true- once we stoped drinking together, we fell apart. So this time it has been twice as hard to trust that this will make things better in the long run. So far though- it’s much better..fingers crossed everyday:)

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  2. I love your bedroom idea! I was given flowers ( paperweights ) and put them by my bed. I never knew how lovely I would feel smelling it and looking at it. I really want to expand on that idea! I’m super happy you had a great time with your BF too. It’s things like that that help us pull through. So glad that dog is getting thinner for ya! Today I woke up in such a good mood. It’s Monday and it’s freaking still snowing ( only supposed to get 3-4” ) but I still felt something peaceful inside. Hope you have a great week Lovie!!

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    1. yes, i actually could have written an epic novel here( lol) about all the small changes i have been making -environmentally and in other areas. You never know what will help. For me i think it’s been an accumulation of tiny gestures and efforts. Like adding various gems & crystals in the windows around the house, minimizing areas of previous clutter a little at a time, re arranging some furniture, adding color..the list is endless..just stuff that takes a few minutes or a few hours here & there:)..lol..dog..still giggling because i almost typed “otter” instead of other!! hahhaha!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Now you have me giggling!! 😂 Thanks for that! I was able to get some de-cluttering done here over the weekend and it did feel real good. There’s jobs on my to do list and I know when I get them done I’ll feel so good about that. I think I’m going to steal some of your ideas and like say the places where I am at most in the house, add a little happy to them. 😁 Thank you for the ideas!!

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