“I am going to have to fight to the death. I take lots of deep breaths and tell myself “i can do this”. I remind myself that i deserve to be sober and i deserve to be a non – smoker. It’s not a punishment. It’s a reward. And the reward is living my BEST life, not just an ok one, or a good one.. MY BEST LIFE.”
This was what i wrote in November of 2019 in my journal.
I woke today and within an hour began to feel cravings for a cigarette. I took my bath and decided it would be helpful to re -read how i got through all of this before. Ironically, the process was about the same as what i am doing this time around except THIS time i went straight to cold turkey without ‘weaning’ myself and it was not as cold outside yet ( we had a pretty mild winter that year) so i was able to get outside and get myself walking as a healthy distraction.The above statement was made on the date i threw away my roller. I remained smoke free for 5 months and sober for 15 months. 2 months into the pandemic I started slipping on occasion with a beer or three every few weeks and eventually ( by November 2020) both habits had returned and so i have begun the process of healing once again.
Re reading my statement above hit me hard today- because that is at the heart of it. And probably what got me through more times during initial recovery of both smoking and alcohol.So i share it here with all of you- or anyone struggling with addiction of any sort.
We deserve to live our best life. Repeat, repeat, repeat-as often as you need to.
Stay strong and Namaste!