It’s been a long while since i have addressed my recovery ( meaning sobriety) on here. I have been thinking of ways to do so off and on but cannot really pinpoint a specific way to describe what has been happening in that regard this year.
As a reminder to myself( we all need those!), i will start out with a very brief timeline of events since most of the details are still available on past posts and anyone wishing to read them can go back and do so.
In a nutshell, i started my recovery in November of 2018. By January of 2020 i was one year AF. In late 2020 i relapsed but did not acknowledge this to myself or the world until January of this year and again started to down the recovery road. Despite the impact of the pandemic in 2020, 2021 has been a much more challenging yet enlightening year for me personally.
Never the less, i will try to describe my relationship with alcohol now, at this point in time.
Full confession-in 2021 i have drank a few times. I am not trying to minimize the fact that this isn’t perfect or ideal. But i’ll lean on the hundreds of days AF, rather than berate myself for a few not-so-perfect days. The events of this year , both good and bad, for whatever reason-have re-set my brain somehow and it is difficult to describe. I no longer seem to “feel” like drinking , even when i have ample time and opportunity. Some of those times when i tried anyway, i didn’t even get a buzz , just felt full/ bloated and like i wasted my time and money.
Don’t get me wrong. I am still and always will be an alcoholic.There is never a time when i am NOT in danger of backsliding. But whatever is going on in my chemistry right now– I’ll take it. Because for some reason ( totally bewilders me) i have had zero cravings or desire, and it’s been like this since after my vacation in June. Go figure.
Anyway, that’s pretty much why i haven’t blogged about it . I can’t say what will happen next, and at this point i don’t even think about that.
All i know is that i am grateful for whatever is happening in my skull and body.
Hope you all are well!
Namaste!
Wake up! 
That’s amazing and I’m sure quite wonderful for you. Its an ongoing process and as you say, always there. But if you feel zero desire, that’s a huge part of the battle to remain AF in the long term. Our bodies are strange things, with so much going on. Glad it’s positive for you now.
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thanks..it sure has been an enlightening journey so far!
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You have done amazingly Lovie, I am just trying to pick up the pieces of a close friend who is drinking to oblivion most days of the week. Not caring he is about to lose his job etc. I saw him yesterday but its hard to discuss stuff with him when he is drunk.
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i saw you post, didnt get to comment( at work and got interrupted). Glad you are going to a meeting with him. Yes, it is almost impossible t “talk” to a drunk person- they are usually way inside thier own head and not listening anyway- best to wait till they are sober. Even then defense and guilt mechanisms kick in and it isnt much easier:(
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That’s great that you have zero desire to drink. Helps things along. I feel the same way for the most part. And the times it drifts into my mind are when I’m grasping or searching for something to enjoy or fill me up. Then I know it’s my mind playing tricks on me! Xx
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yes, it’s been really weird. My mind actually tries to rationalize that i CAN drink if i want but immediately shuts the thought down. Hope whatever this is lasts.I’m thinking most of it is the weightlifting. I hate to miss a workout and i know i will if i drink.
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Hi there Lovie. It’s good to see your name again. Thank you for your honesty. And keep up being strong!
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thanks so much..not sure why you haven’t seen my name come up- have heard this from a few. Still been posting- mostly about weightlifting and stuff though. Hope you are well! hugs!
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also- just realized i hadnt seen any of your posts either! it’s a conspiracy!lol- will have to catch up!
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That’s so awesome! I still have to fight it at times. I am hoping when I start seeing progress from working out I won’t have to fight it as much. I started working out well however stopped with the loss of my horse and most recent bunny. Have to get back at it!
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Wonderful. It took me ages but now I just don’t want the taste anymore
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Love your honesty! I started my sobriety journey many years ago, relapsed multiple times and have now been solidly sober for quite some time, but with zero expectations that it will ALWAYS be this way. Being sober is a journey that is not about the destination. Thank you for sharing!
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and thank you for responding..not everyone , even on here, can admit to slips or relapses. I totally understand why though-the humility it takes to do so and the immense guilt is hard to swallow.Plus if someone has been sober a while and fails they start to feel like the example they set is lost. I know because i went through that. Most who do just disappear on here- for awhile or forever. It’s heartbreaking- we all so much need to hear both successes and failures so that we keep getting back on the wagon:)..hugs!
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