Rough Day

..week, month, year? Sometimes it feels like that and ..phew…today was one of those for me!

We all have good days and bad. And it doesn’t always take a major incident to experience either. A good day can simply come from counting my blessings and a bad one due to a comment received from a total stranger. There’s really no rhyme or reason to it.

I haven’t been on here as much as i once was. Part of that is due to just not knowing what to say or having anything i felt like talking about. Part of it is staying busy with projects. But the larger part has been feeling a major disconnect from life and people in general.

In the past few years, we have experienced this on a global level, and a lot of that has trickled down into an ongoing ,even if minor, sense of dis-ease ever since. There has been a disruption in the normal personal and social activities, combined with increased internet use. Naturally this has lead to an upwards trend in disparity and polarity, despite the winding down of the intensity of the pandemic. Some of us lost friends or family, while others watched the world from a screen in fear and shock. It was inevitable that these and other related issues would have long lasting effects.

For me, in addition to other unrelated events, it was a shift of huge proportions. Whereas once i had a very active, daily and sometimes overwhelming social life, my life became isolated – with a circle of only 2 friends- my roommate and my boyfriend.It has remained so ever since, despite the occasional attempt to regain some measure of my previous confidence. There is a part of me that feels completely unable to reach out, connect, and interact with 99% of the world- even those i used to share with daily. This doesn’t bother me every day, and in fact, most days i am happy to be left alone. But today, that feeling of isolation hit me again like a ton of bricks and I hate it!

For one thing, my roommate and best friend now has a girlfriend( whom i absolutely adore) and she has also been working several PT jobs. When she is home, she is usually sleeping, and we rarely get to talk or connect anymore. She has had a few challenging months with health issues and finances as well. I have tried to be supportive and helpful, but most of it is not in my control. This has left me feeling more lost than ever, even while i am deeply happy she has found love. In addition, my boyfriend changed work hours , and we are now on opposite shifts, so we see each other a lot less. I am trying to remedy this by changing my own schedule to being off on a different night when he isnt tired from working all day. But i have fears that despite this, our circadian rhythms will still prevail. Fingers crossed. At any rate, both of these factors have added to my feelings of loneliness and disconnection.

On a positive note, i have accomplished a great deal – home projects and financially. I started back in September by adding an additional shift each week to pay off the debt from my cabin project. My goal is to have that all paid off by October and this will substantially decrease my monthly debt. I’ve done well with paying down other debt ( medical, etc). and am happy with my increased credit score and debt ratio. I have crossed off a few more items on my bucket list as well, and feel encouraged about future endeavors. March is one year of sobriety ( again) and thats also a good thing. I cannot stress enough how important having a clear, unsaturated brain can change ones perspectives and prospects in life. Continued prayers and congrats to my Sober community on here:)

Well, all caught up now.

Sending hugs and love to all.

Namaste!

Author:

nurse, mother, artist, and chameleon ...

10 thoughts on “Rough Day

  1. Morning Lovie! I can see how the change in seeing your roommate on top of you and your boyfriend working opposite shifts would make you have days like these. Awesome on your one year sober and working an extra shift to pay your cabin bill off. You always amaze me with your determination. I’ve also been doing house projects here and doing some deep cleaning! I’m sure thinking of you and I hope your day gets better! I think your pretty amazing! 💯%

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Definitely can relate and feel for you, Lovie. Completely get it. I’ve actually been working on being more social and getting out and doing things with others. I really have to push myself, because it definitely doesn’t come naturally for me. Congratulations on another year sober, RIGHT ON!!! And making progress on the debt. That’s fantastic! Big hugs to you and hoping you and your boyfriend and friends will be able to connect more soon.🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Lovie ! Congrats on 1 year and paying off all that debt. Like the others I can relate to the feeling of isolation. I feel that too, especially since I moved to a new city/country during the pandemic so apart from my BF and a couple of people I don’t really have any friends here. I’m glad we have people here on WP who we can feel close to despite the distance ! Xxx Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oo i think my previous comment was deleted ! I was saying congrats on the milestone and that I completely relate to the feeling isolated / wanting new interactions you mention. Sending big hugs your way xxxx your WP friend 🙂 xxx Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh I hear you, Lovie!
    I have to force myself to call or text people, which I don’t understand. I miss some of my pre covid social circles, most of them yoga related. Now that my knee is not happy doing yoga, it’s hard to find new connections. But I know how important they are, so I keep trying.
    Hugs!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I can really relate. I am also finding it hard to get out and socialize. It’s hard to feel isolated and even harder to break through it. I always feel better once I do, though. Congratulations on a year! That’s really wonderful!

    Liked by 1 person

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