Has anyone ever wished they could go back in time? i know i sure have…
Aside from the major things that often come to mind ( choosing better partners, fixing mistakes i made in parenting, starting my career sooner, etc) today i realized something i missed- wishing i had stuck to many of the commitments i made regarding my health- mentally and physically.
Although over all( physically) , i haven’t wrecked myself they way i’ve noted many have ( some in the arts community, friends from high school, nurses i’ve worked with over the years ) and i do have a fairly decent background in exercising and eating well, there have been some pretty long lapses at times. Even my issues with alcohol have not been going on that long comparatively ( less than 10 years) and in that time i have made many strides towards making better choices.
As far as my mental health – one major thing stands out- my addiction to social media. When i look back at the initial reason i started this blog ( deactivating from Facebook) and seeing what has changed in myself since i went back online after the 6 month sabbatical, i cannot help but wish i had never returned to it.
Sure, there have been good things. I met and started dating my current partner which would likely have never happened otherwise. I have had a great year selling my art. I have met many new people and other artists in the digital world. But it has become very clear that the platform itself is NOT healthy. In fact, not only is it an toxic addiction for over 50% of the world, creating huge voids of real life communication and serious issues with personal interaction, it has lead to some stifling statistics among our children’s mental health issues.
And adults are no less prone to the affects, no matter what we tell ourselves.
Recently i have been announcing my upcoming second deactivation from Facebook as i transition to another format called Me We. It’s basically a fledgling social media platform that promises no ads, more privacy, and less censorship. It is set up very similar to Facebook and , therefore, is easy to learn navigation wise. I love that , so far, i am seeing contact posts right away instead of 3 days later, and that there is no algorithm that shows only what “they” want you to see based on your “triggers” ( meaning how they can get advertisers to buy your attention based on data collected).
However, this does not mean it too will never become the huge poisonous monster that Facebook has. I remembered tonight that i switched from My Space to Facebook back in the day because it was smaller, more personal and geared more towards adults. That certainly has changed, hasn’t it?
While i feel i might get some reprieve by switching, it doesn’t change my addiction or solve the larger issues. But my hope in the short run is that i will be able to regain some of the peace i had during my time away from mass media , political polarization and advertising manipulation .
The choice has been a very difficult one due to gaining some ground with art sales .And i will once again have to deal with withdrawal and FOMO. But after weighing all of the pros & cons, it’s the better choice. Outside of completely deleting all social media, this ‘half measure’ may be my only saving grace.
Kind of like alcohol, we try to go back and hope we can “control” it. We place limits on ourselves, try to monitor it, and moderate our use. But in the end, we need to see it for the beast it truly is. We need to keep our eyes wide open and work very hard to keep ourselves balanced , focused and healthy.
I plan to do the deactivation within the next 2 months ( initially i thought 30 days but trying to build at least enough contacts to have something of a halfway house , socially speaking, because with the pandemic issues still going on , there are still very few ways to have human interaction like i had during my previous hiatus ).My hope is that this one action will roll over into other lifestyle improvements as it did once before. I will update as i move forward and hopefully , if someone else is going through the same or a similar situation, maybe we can help each other..
Namaste.
Wake up! 
There came a point in my marriage where my husband was on Facebook all the time comforting acquaintances he barely knew about their breakups ex. and completely ignoring me, his actual wife. I asked him to get rid of Facebook. When we met he was never on any phone, when he got one it was the first time he had internet access at all, it’s difficult to have a TV/store/friends on hand all of a sudden when you never got used to limiting a video game or limiting a computer. I know a lot of people are on Facebook, but my husband was so social before, he didn’t lose any contact he didn’t otherwise have in real life. It was a different situation, he had nothing but free entertainment to lose and the gain was continuing our relationship. When I asked him, I had no Facebook, so it wasn’t very unfair for him to leave, but it was just a standard I would have if he wanted to continue our relationship, he was really bad, he would lay on the sofa and not look up if I was in the room, let alone talk to me… since then he has never had a problem with YouTube or Twitter. Perhaps it’s like with drinking and smoking only the exact preferred brand is the most tempting? It’s interesting because where he failed to use Facebook in a healthy way, he hasn’t had any major issues with any substitutes. I got Facebook really late for a video game (The Sims) to be able to visit other people’s Sim Towns in Sim Freeplay. Perhaps because that was my intention with it I always avoided major problems, but I don’t love it much. My best friend on Facebook posted a political blurb about 3 immigrants gang-raping a 10 year old… in person, she would give you a hug and ask you how you are doing. There is something crazy about the ambiance of Facebook. Two normal people, really nice people, I know are completely soapboxing lunatics on Facebook. It’s really tough that what works for your business and your well being are two different roads on this one. I don’t know if you’ve considered Pinterest and Etsy, Pinterest and Tumblr, or just Pinterest, but I know there are some artists who are able to get by without Facebook, Allie Brosh is one. Quitting Facebook is pretty hard, like quitting coffee in a way, because it’s a part of society that most people either enjoy or think is benign, but any addiction can be really destructive. Just like drinking, you could go back, but if the limits and habits are the same, the result will likely be similar. One thing that’s helped me a lot to be connected is having a 3-5 people, hour-long, Zoom Writer’s Meeting on Saturday at noon, it could be a pain to get something like that started, but once it’s started I find it to be much more helpful and satisfying on a personal level than Facebook. To me Facebook is like eating potato chips, it seems like each chip is good, but it’s never satisfying at the end, it gives you the illusion of a healthy connection, but not the actual substance, therefore you are always hungry for more, much like the founder who as a little boy at home was hungry to be with his absent father, who was a dentist at his office, it seems something of the original intention of seeking attention from those who didn’t choose to give it, carried through from the founding moment forward, but either way, it’s become pretty frenzied, like black Friday used to be at the malls. 🐘
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I feel you! I think you just have to do what feels best and right for you, now. I took that three-month (?) break from Facebook this spring/summer, and since I’ve gone back on, I’ve noticed that I am on WAY more than I want to be (bad), but, I don’t take things as seriously as I used to (good). It is easy to get off the scrolling train when most of the feed is either news or ads (ugh to the ads!), for me anyway. I am actually relieved to be back on because of the pandemic isolation; I feel like, I at least have SOME clue/access to my friends and/or people out in the world. (I am a hermit these days and I know I have to change, but, at least Facebook offers some consolation.). The FOMO is kind of gone these days, too, because there really aren’t any events going on to miss out on! PLUS: I have created an Instagram account, where, I ONLY post pictures of nature and travel-related stuff, and, I DO NOT FOLLOW ANYONE. Haha. It is such a nice reprieve to have a community of people who really don’t know you and are just sort of acquaintances who look at your pictures. Haha. I hope you find your balance–it is so hard! Hugs.
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Facebook isn’t my thing, but I can see how addictive it is for many. Good luck with your transition! 🌱
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So I have to ask if you’ve watched the documentary Social Dilemma on Netflix? They say (I haven’t watched it yet)it’s a deep dive into how the explosion of social networks, has led to an implosion of democracy, and caused unprecedented division amongst people. My friend says it’s truly fascinating, and terrifying. Let me know your thoughts if you watch it. I think I’m going to have to…
At any rate, I think you’re on the right track disconnecting from FB. You seemed like you were much happier without it. Hugs to you! 💕
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