Loss Confession

Well 2021 is about at it’s end. It’s time to start thinking about the things we want for the next one. Have you all started your list?

This is my end of the year post. But it is also a confession.

Two years ago I lost something. Something very important to me-through a series of unfortunate events and miscommunications.I don’t talk about it very much and when i do i keep it in house. It was personal and deeply hurtful, and i don’t believe i have recovered as of yet.

A lot of people who knew me previously may wonder where i have been and why i no longer socialize. I have been mainly isolating, and conveniently, the pandemic helped with that, if nothing else.Too, many who see my posts here and on social media may wonder , but probably don’t care, why i have done a 180. Thats fine, this matters to me.

I am no longer am out in the mix. I am no longer the artsy party girl or social butterfly. I am no longer the free spirited bohemian hippy .Those days are over.I have been diligently re inventing myself.It’s a process, not an overnight venture. I am an artist still, to be sure. And i am also a weightlifter. These have been crucial to the recovery of that loss.The loss of confidence, self esteem and courage.

This year I will continue this journey, and because of this i feel a need to reinstate my mission.

It may be that you just want some of the simple things, nothing overly much- no dramatic changes or life altering decisions. Some no longer make resolutions, except the one not to make any! I did that for a few years because most of the time we start out with a fury and the flame dies in a few weeks. It seemed pointless. But in recent years i have resurrected my desire to make some so here goes:

  1. This is the year i want to set personal boundaries on many things i have let slide in the past. It’s one reason , the biggest one, that i set up and Etsy shop. I will no longer hold items indefinitely for someone who wants to use cash or check. I just do not have the time to waste waiting around for stuff that isnt guaranteed or losing sales because of it. That’s just one example.I will say NO to many things, and yes to others more befitting what i want for my life.
  2. I want to continue my weightlifting journey. Slow and steady wins the race, and in spite of still rehabbing my shoulder injury, i know that healing will come and i will progress if i stay the course.
  3. I have given up counting my macros for awhile since i know pretty much how my body handles them and what ratios i need daily. No need to over obsess on them daily until if and when i decide to compete.
  4. I no longer show my art just for the sake of showing it. It is not a ‘hobby’ for me but a form of therapy and something i am driven to do – whether i sell or don’t sell.It matters greatly to me that i improve and become the best i can be in my lifetime.
  5. I want to continue paying off debt and making those goals happen. I succeeded in paying off the amounts i chose for a credit card and savings so far and getting electrical work done. Best i can say is i will keep moving forward as planned with the other ones.
  6. This is the year i want to settle in to what i feel is an approximate idea of what i want my life to look like down the road ( in all areas). I have been pretty lax in some things and up and down on others, but being 55 in February, i need some kind of stability plan so that i wont be miserable later.
  7. And this final one- no more alcohol. I have been up and down with this one this past year. I did drink a little, and hadn’t decided if i wanted to continue that way because i honestly haven’t craved it and have been fine going long periods without it this year.However, the last 2 times ( Halloween and Christmas) i just wound up getting sick and not even enjoying myself. So, definitely time to put that to rest for good. Too old for the shenanigans and it has proven to be a waste of time and energy.

I hope you all have a very happy holiday season and i am looking forward to interacting with all of you in the New Year!


Yes, Toucan!

May be a closeup of toucan
A piece i did earlier this year

A few years back we had a president who the campaign slogan of “Yes, We Can”. When i painted the piece above , i thought it a fitting title and memoir. Tonight, on my way to work, it came to mind.

Christmas has come and gone, New Years’s looms ahead. As for me, both are always pretty low-key.

For the last few days i haven’t been feeling well and getting frustrated at having to postpone things i had planned. I did work out on Monday (with great difficulty), but cancelled my personal coach Tuesday and a dry needling appointment for today in case i have to go to Urgent Care. I have been needing to rest as well which means getting less done in my usual free time.

Then i realized that rather than dwell on what i can’t do, i should be focusing on what i CAN do..

Yes, I can:

  1. drink as much water as possible
  2. eat soothing healthy foods like soup and oatmeal
  3. rest at every opportunity
  4. use my neti pot
  5. gargle with salt water
  6. take mucinex as needed

It’s not a lot, but most everything else is outside of my control. And sometimes when things feel like they are spinning away from us, we just have to stop and focus on what we CAN control.

Hope everyone is doing well!


Color and Definition

a painting i am working on

The last few days i have been going full bore with both my work outs and my art so i just wanted to post a new pieces to share with my WP friends. I just got a new type of paper- Rives ( from France) andI am kind of happy with this one so far as i didnt know what to expect.It is strictly water color.

I also did this one:

May be art of flower

..which is a combination of watercolor and alcohol inks. It started as my test piece but i managed to do something cool with it i think.

As far as the work outs, here are a few progression pics as well( p.s.- please forgive the weird back grounds in some- just different areas of my house..lol…:)

So there ya have it..a pictorial update on my life .Not much else on the brain lately so ,

Namaste and Happy Holidays:)

It’s really that simple…or is it?

I often post on here about achieving goals, staying disciplined and having a plan. I put a lot of credence in being prepared, writing stuff down and keeping my eyes on the prize. But after several conversations recently i feel compelled to address the issue of complication overload.

If you are anything like me, this is something that sort of creeps up on you subtly. As you lunge head first into a new project or goal, it soon becomes a million smaller projects. Take for instance starting a diet. You want to lose weight so you decide to cut calories and eat healthier. This becomes a matter of planning your meals, counting the calories, getting groceries , preparing said meals and disciplining yourself not to over eat. Not too bad.Sounds simple, right?

However, at some point it can become more time consuming and complicated if we aren’t careful. We get an app, or several apps to track things.We start a notebook, then a journal. We begin writing our goals in calendar spaces. We portion out our meals and become rigid about when , where and even how we eat them.We turn down invitations to have dinner with friends because it conflicts with our meal plan.

After a bit, we see some progress and then we get”hungry” for more and more results. We decide we need to exercise. So we join a gym, subscribe to you tube channels, write down our work out plan, and pencil time frames for it into our appointment book. Next up comes the injuries, the nausea, the insomnia, the headaches, or maybe chronic fatigue. And we have to find ways to deal with THOSE. We become tired, irritable, and unable to focus on other aspects of our lives.

This , of course doesn’t just apply to health goals. It can happen with financial goals, our careers, parenting, or a project we are passionate about (putting an addition on the house, a wedding, growing a garden, writing a book, learning to cook, a creative endeavor). Almost anything can spiral out of control if we become obsessed with details and more details. We begin seeking perfection. We work ourselves to death, not realizing that being consumed with details can actually stall our progress and/or even reverse progress. What seemed like a great plan, has become so complicated or overwhelming that the original goal can never be realized. The initial plan to make our lives better is actually stealing our precious life away- and we are not enjoying it at all.

This , my friends, is complication overload.And it will set you up for failure.

We simply cannot control every aspect of things. We must allow for down time, making mistakes, set backs. We need to reign in obsession with detail by saying NO to stressful and/or frivolous actions.

After much thought on this subject, i realized that not everything with “think” is a goal , is actually a goal. First and foremost- a goal is something that has an end date– as in a planned time of completion or accomplishment. Some examples of what are not goals are:

Maintenance- things we do to improve or maintain a state of being.

Pass times- things we do that amuses us and makes time pass more enjoyably

Survival- things we do to survive – like striving to pay bills or raise our children

Of course any of these can over lap and are necessary at times, but none of them are actual goals. Additionally all are of value. Even animals maintain, pass time and survive. But animals generally follow instinctual patterns, where as humans have more tendency to follow emotional patterns.

The bottom line – take some time deciding if you actually have a goal, and the basic ( not intricately detailed )steps that will make it happen. Then stay on track , only deviating to navigate serious obstacles, and consistently put effort towards those basic steps. No additional items should be piled on our already full plate. Picture the waiter trying to bring a full platter of food to a specific table way across the room. If he or she is barely balancing the tray, but keeps stopping to add condiments, more silverware, napkins and other items, there is more likelihood of getting the food to the customer at a good temperature , on time, and without incident becomes less probable.

I personally have chosen to start eliminating a few items that have become too burdensome. Like tedious tracking of macros ( giving myself a little leeway) and expending too much energy trying to do ALL the exercises for that days body part every workout( just focus on 3-4 important ones) .Like saying no to taking on more responsibilities and solving crisis’ that are not my own( like trying to do everything for everybody just because i want to avoid confrontation or conflict ). I have become run down , irritable and frustrated.I have become more stressed, am more reactive, resentful and have less energy. And that is the opposite of what i set out to accomplish.

Time to regain some sanity, and lose some of those complications!


Quick Note

If you haven’t seen or checked out my last post, please do when you can. I assume it wasn’t seen by the usual # of people because it contained a link..i need feed back…Thanks and namaste!

Ta- Dah!

Hello out there! Hope you are all doing well! I wanted to make a quick post to announce that i finally, FINALLY took the leap and opened my own etsy shop to sell my art.

I have avoided this for such a long time because i didnt want to :

  1. spend hours trying to figure it out
  2. spend hours uploading and typing in information
  3. have to “deal” with it
  4. waste my time because i know posting links on facebook ( the only social media i use) because i know links never get seen
  5. feel pressured to market myself with all the bells & whistles

But here is the # 1 (and only reason, really) that i did it. I hate losing sales because the only payment i can accept, without frustration, is paypal. I hate taking cash because i have to explain i need it before i start. I hate taking checks for the same reason.And i am d*mned tired of being asked if i take this or that “app” ( Venmo, Cash app, and a dozen others). I seriously don’t like risking my information by having financial apps on my phone. I don’t even have my bank app on there.

So anyway- drum roll please….


If you have a chance, take a peek and let me know what you think.You don’t have to buy anything- just looking for feed back. It is a work in progress. I only have about 15 out of dozens that i plan to add over the next week or two but it’s a start!

Thanks for reading and Namaste!

The Return of the Elephant

During the first year of this blog i made a post about a key tool in my goal setting arsenal. About half way through the post i referred to the meaning of the post title.
Whenever i start to feel overwhelmed with a project or multiple things i need to do , i come back to the question that prompted this tool:

“How do you eat an elephant?”

Answer: “One bite at a time”

Lately, i have become overwhelmed with all of the “things” i need to take care of and have been spiraling into brain fogs just trying to contemplate getting them done.The call of the jungle has beckoned , once again, now i am returning to this tried and true device .The idea is to collect all of those things that are on your to do/ bucket list and put them in one place. Then you can set about actually accomplishing said items with a fun way to check off the steps to completing them.This is SO much better than a dozen post it notes or a seemingly endless and uninspiring list.

One thing i did not include in the previous post was a visual of this. So, i’d like to pass that along here:

I keep a blank master copy then fill in sections each time
once filled in i use highlighters to fill in blocks as i go

As you can see, i took each item/goal and assigned it to a block, sectioned out first with the main things. Then , for each item, divided out the “steps” ( or payments in this case) to achieving said goal.

When i am done i will have a colorful graphic and an awesome reminder of how i ate my elephant.

Happy Stampeding!

Reinventing Yourself at Any Age

A lot has been written about life reinvention, but I wanted to write a little post and put my own spin on things.

I have been everything from a welfare mom to a competitive rock climber, to a floozy party girl, to a straightlaced wife, to a bohemian artist to a medicine woman to a bodybuilder (twice!) I have been a mechanic, a waitress, a pizza maker, a massage therapist, owned a new age shop, owned a house painting business, a personal trainer, and an LPN and a registered nurse.

I have hosted uncountable events in the arts community and owned my own venues. I have taught adults to read, served in multiple charitable organizations, and wrote poetry/articles/ and started a book or two. And I have reinvented myself a dozen times.

What does it mean to reinvent yourself anyway?

To me, it means simply getting out of your comfort zone and deciding to be something or someone else. It means that no matter what happens, good or bad, you step outside of the cocoon and morph into a new person.

“But how do you start?” you may ask.

Well, give yourself a little time to daydream. Have you always wanted to be a singer? Live in a cabin in the mountains? Move to another country? Go back to school? All of this and more is possible. Make a vision board. Brainstorm and write that shizzle down. Allow yourself to envision your future in a way that you can access clearly and regularly.

Next, start planning. It may be something simple like changing the way you dress. Do some purging at home- out with the old, in with the new. You may feel a bit unnerved without your usual garb or feel like a fake wearing someone else’s clothes- but that’s the whole point. And you will get used to it. For me this last time, I switched to super comfy clothes, little or no make-up, and no care hair. But I have done that whole thing in reverse as well. It just takes a little time.

What about your environment? Do you love your décor, or could it use a change-up? Go minimalist, artsy, shabby chic, or feng shui. Whatever you have envisioned. Perhaps you even imagined that you want to move to a new place altogether- start looking! Your new self must feel at home.

What about your job? Is it something you enjoy, can put up with or need to change? Maybe just a step up or down the ladder in the same field or same position at another company. But don’t stay in something that makes you feel miserable, numb or any job that resembles human servitude- that is certain death.

While you are purging things- look around you at the people in your life. Some of them may need purged as well. The toxic ones. The emotionally draining ones. Those who hold you back or keep you down. Think of how many hundreds of pounds you could lose by ridding yourself of these vampires! No matter what you believe, you can and WILL make new friends. And if family is the issue- disconnect. You didn’t get to choose them from birth, but if they are harmful to you- walk away!

Next up, find your true passion(s) in life. It may be knitting, gardening, photography, art, dancing, teaching, volunteer work- think of more than one and try them on for size. If one doesn’t work out- move on and keep trying until your heart sings

Before I end this, I also want to share a few rules:

  1. Forget about your age. It’s only a problem if you make it so.
  2. Put your health FIRST! You won’t get far with anything if you can’t even take care of yourself.
  3. Don’t do everything at once- small steps still matter. But DO set a timeframe- procrastination is not your friend.
  4. Be realistically optimistic- you may not have 3 million dollars to spend, but can you save up $300 to start? Once you do that, work on the next $300, and so on.
  5. Make the best use of your resources- networking, financial choices, and healthy food options.
  6. Don’t settle for a watered-down version of what you want or someone else’s vision for you. This is YOUR life. You can do it well and do it how you see fit.
  7. Yes, you CAN fake it till you make it. Just don’t KEEP faking it.
  8. Know your obstacles (real or imagined) and set about conquering them one by one.
  9. Do not go into debt- no matter how tempting it may seem.
  10. Rejoice and celebrate, remind yourself of your successes, and embrace the new you