Many moons ago, during the first year I started this blog, i made a post about attachments. For some reason, perhaps the title itself, it was one of the most read posts i have ever had on here. I searched it out tonight and re read it, in light of the process I am now going through.
Like most people, my life has seemed like one failed experiment after another. I always learned through trial and error what i didn’t want , but could never seem to put my finger on what i did want, and why i couldn’t get it and with each new adventure, i became disillusioned and depressed when it did not bring the satisfaction i longed for. However, one dream never left my heart. More of a need, really.
I suppose it was always there, that need, lurking just through the fog, even as a child. Always out of reach and not clear. It both haunted and dogged me, creating fear and yet, somehow- a reprieve.It was the dream of a place in the woods, on a mountain with a small cabin, far away from the world at large, surrounded by trees …. alone. The essence of peace, strength, self – reliance, and answering to no one. Free to wander, to sleep under the stars, and use every one of my senses to experience the raw nature around me. Breathing in the fresh air, gazing across miles and miles of endless wilderness. I craved silence. I craved simplicity.
I have made several feeble attempts to access the dream without giving up “too much”. I’ve vacationed in many many scenarios and spent hours trying to find places i could visit to feel calm and centered. I went through periods of walking alone, running alone, hiking, and even putting up a small cabin retreat in the woods on my own property. With each project, the end result was the same- unsatisfying. Like water for Chocolate.
But i was manifesting, without even realizing it- through loss. Losing more than i ever thought possible in the past few year and in a single moment of clarity, i realized how loss has been creating a clearer path to my dream.And i just- accepted it. No one to define me. No material possessions to weigh me down. My daughter says I am entering a “new season” of life and used the term “scorched earth”. I like that, the idea of being completely stripped down, barren – a created space to grow anew. It feels like the perfect description. Shedding layers of attachments and to face myself with no labels.
I no longer belong to the world’s ideas or versions of me.
I see freedom on the horizon, and it looks like heaven itself.
Hi guys! It’s been a beat since i posted and i wanted to update what’s been going on in my life:)It’s always a bouncy, but interesting ride!
After my video on January 30th i did wind up getting sick. Luckily I was able to nip it in the bud with an inhaled steroid script this time though so, it only lasted about 4 days instead of 2 -3 weeks. But then we had a big snow. I still haven’t gotten my water proof hiking boots either so all of this cut into my walking/hiking time.
I did wind up getting out for the day on Feb 10th and was finally able to conquer most of a difficult trail i had attempted twice before. There’s a bunch of rock scrambling, tree hugging and mud and i even slipped once on camera…lol…That video can be seen here: (p.s.- sound quality isn’t great- use both ear buds- i apologize and am trying to get better)
On February 13th, I turned 57. Unfortunately, the week didn’t turn out as i had hoped. On Valentines day my boyfriend and i broke up so that cancelled my birthday dinner for the 16th. I had 2 days scheduled off so i wound up spending them alone .It was cold and snowed one of those days as well. But, i was able to stay busy with things i had been putting off for a long time like scheduling appointments, getting my required online training done for work, and sorting through stuff i need to purge for my upcoming move.
However, the best thing that came out of the week was finally paying off the last of my debt. Once my house is sold ( i list it this spring)will have only a car payment left. The profit from the sale will go towards buying 10 plus acres of wooded land where i can make my own trails and enjoy the peacefulness away from busy traffic and too many people. It’s been a long , hard road and it’s not over..but i am closer than ever to attaining my lifelong dreams!
I hope you all are doing well and i’ll be doing some more hiking/backpacking posts soon.
in some places you can’t turn off utilities at home for an extended period of time unless you want to pay a huge “security deposit” when you return to have them turned back on. Basically i’ve been told it’s like starting with a new account, despite the number of years you may have paid faithfully. If you plan to return to the same home, a better option is to set everything for the minimal use for the time frame- such as the lowest temp that will keep pipes from freezing if you live in a cold area.
It’s hardly ever stated that before you leave you should order a few extra copies of your drivers license. Many are lost on trail and it can be a huge hassle. You can have them sent to you at a post office , just like resupply boxes.. but be aware that some post offices also require ID. So, it’s helpful to make printer copies of your ID to put in a separate space on your pack that you won’t be getting in and out of ( risking loss) for such occasions.Better still, make a one sheet copy of both sides of ALL the cards you are taking ( health insurance, credit card, medical info)- just fold it up and put inside a small waterproof pouch. Please remember to take it with youif you have to leave your back packoutside of a store or restaurant in town(some places don’t allow you to take it inside). Also carry a small amount of cash..some places ( hostels, shuttles, delivery services) are remote and do not take credit cards.For instance, i’ve heard this about the John Muir trail. I have seen suggestions for about $50…yes, it’s a slight risk because , well, you never know ..but i’d rather lose 50 bucks than chance not being able to get a shuttle if i need one for an emergency!
You will need to make arrangements with your health insurance before you go. Many plans will not cover out of state injuries, urgent care, or hospitalizations. Many have restrictions as well regarding out-of -network providers.
The same applies to car insurance. You should not just “cancel” insurance on any car you wish to keep, even if in storage. Where i live there is “sidewalk” or street insurance which is just the minimum for things like theft, damage or break- ins while you are away. Also , the same can apply regarding getting a new policy when you return- it can be more expensive.
If you are leaving a home you will be returning to, make arrangements for someone you trust to check on your place regularly for any evidence of burglary, vandalism or damage from burst pipes etc. The thing is, many post their adventures on public formats without really considering that can alert potential criminal activity if anyone locally knows where the empty home is. More than one has posted returning to a home that was used for drug activity unbeknownst to the home owner. Always, always, always think ahead about what you post online- there are bad people in the world.
If you get a satellite SOS with Garmin- do yourself a favor and get the insurance(s). Injuries happen and most health insurance will NOT cover the costs of a search and rescue. Helicopter rides and emergency care en route is usually out of pocket and often triple what you would pay for a trip via ambulance in your local area. Garmin insurance will cover this as long as you don’t let your policy lapse( so put it on auto renew just to make sure- it’s easy to forget!)
Pets are not allowed in some areas on trail- you will have to board them and pay for such if you take one. Research all areas ahead of time regarding this.I am not a fan of taking pets along because i feel like there are way too many risks, but that’s just my opinion and many people do travel everywhere with their fur babies.
Start stretching out your ankles months in advance. This is often an area people forget about in usual exercise routines. On trail- rocks , roots, debris from storms, and stream crossings can be hike-enders from sprains and/or bad falls. Weak ,stiff ankles are the main culprits.
Bears are great climbers like to stay up in the trees at night, especially the babies( meaning an anxious mom nearby) and especially in the Smokies. Maybe you know this, but i didn’t. That’s pretty scary. Also – quick note..bear canisters are required in some areas, and you can’t even use an Ursak. There are fines if you get caught without one.
a wind shield for your burner stove is something they don’t seem to show in a lot of videos..not sure why but finally one dude did mention it as an item and because i have had issues lighting my stove outside when it’s windy myself, i was like grateful to learn this. I previously didn’t even know they made ’em.However, it does add a few ounces of extra weight and i think this is a main reason some do not carry them.I removed a few panels of mine for that reason.
Some of the scariest parts of thinking about thru hiking to a novice like myself is simply a lack of knowledge. Thank goodness we now have the internet and a huge amount of resources. In the process of watching( ad nauseum) hundreds of Youtube videos and reading articles online, i found much relief at times and learned a lot about what i think i could or couldn’t deal with, and how to work around it.
For example, one of the things i had to accept about myself is that i will likely never be a 4 season thru hiker.Trudging through knee high snow using snow shoes or i felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. Before i realized this, i couldn’t stop stressing over how could manage the weight and bulk to accommodate freezing temperatures.Besides just thinking about the general misery of potential frost bite , i also had no idea how i would manage it all financially and weight wise. Then suddenly, as if from the heavens, i realized the unlikelihood of (me)doing any serious winter hiking.While there is always the potential for drastic temperature changes on long treks, i feel like i could avoid a lot of it by only hiking in 3 seasons.
Phew!
There have been other epiphanies along the way- finally understanding more about “stealth camping”( it’s not that secretive or scary) and shelters vs. hostels ( i thought they were the same thing at first). Learning how close most re-supply places were on the AT so i wouldn’t be carrying 2 weeks worth of food. Understanding that i could be send home items and pick up other supplies with changing seasons and conditions meaning that i didn’t have to carry 4 pairs of footwear, heavy base layers, and a camel back water system the whole way. It all sounds silly to me now but i was truly “green” about it all.
On the other hand…
In an ideal world, everyone online would be truthful , fair and unbiased. But sometimes one has to be careful out there in the digital forest. Many Youtubers are “sponsored” by brands and their content is not so much good information as it is paid “advertisement”.The channel host may or may not even really use the product they are touting or have any experience with it at all.I don’t hold a grudge against anyone trying to make a buck, but it can get pretty hairy trying to discern between actual recommendations and ad hype based on sponsorship. Even knowing this, i still fell into the trap for awhile, forgetting that the larger the company, the more they can pay someone to hype their product..or many someones.And that just because 5 or more channels recommended a certain product didn’t mean it was the ‘best’. It probably took me 6 months or more to see through some of this. And when i did, I was a bit angry with myself. I did indeed spend way more than i should have or could have, and of course have regrets( along with a big ‘ole box full of items i won’t be using).
But it isn’t just products you have to be wary of at times. Even with as little experience as i have , i came to see that not all advice in general works for everyone.One of the most amusing gems is when a male hiker is giving tips and suggests (to all who are watching) “peeing in a bottle in your tent at night” so you don’t have to go out in the cold. Try to imagine the average female trying that one…in the dark, in a tiny tent! Now, TMI- i have used a cheap plastic container for this myself at times when camping – but i assure you, the opening was much wider than a soda bottle, and wouldn’t be practical to carry in a back pack. I can also attest that those female urinal devices take a good amount of practice unless you enjoy peeing on yourself.
Another controversial subject i hear about often is where to place your tent in your pack- inside or outside..as well as if it works better on top of your pack or strapped to the bottom. There are many many ways to pack and carry a tent, and there is no one size fits all solution. Mine for example, is a double wall tent which can even be separated ( tarp from inside mesh and floor area. So technically i could carry the tarp outside of my pack and the rest inside. Not all tents are made this way, some are single walled . Mine is also a trekking pole set up, so i don’t need tent poles, but i do need stakes and guy out lines. Some have stand alone type tents which do not require stakes or guy out lines, but have special poles .Other people use hammocks- which have no “poles”, but require trees for attaching the hardware it uses. And the way to carry anything is really a matter of comfort level for most people.
Bottom line is- go ahead and watch all the videos and channels you like. Subscribe away and enjoy the process of learning new things. I still spend entire nights ( hours on end binge watching my faves.) I have learned soooo much!
I know i wont be hiking 2000 miles( or even 20 unless i lose a shoe) in Crocs- maybe use them for camp shoes. I know I won’t be “cowboy camping”- nope, no way- because- snakes. I know i won’t be joining in on “Safety Meetings” ( code for going to smoke some marijuana ). I know i WILL be taking an SOS device, a cellphone and coffee. I know i will be using a Kula Cloth instead of just the handkerchiefs i use now..
But, most of all , i know using discernment is never bad advice:)
Wake up! 