Month: October 2023

Happy October, everyone! I hope you are all doing well.

It’s been a long 3 years since the pandemic , hasn’t it? So many things have occurred that have affected all of us, and i continually pray for global and individual healing.

After reviewing my blog stats here over the long haul ( starting in 2019- when my main priority was sobriety and “getting my life in order” ) I noted readership has been way down the last few years. At first i was unsure why this was happening- a couple of reasons i toyed with included:

• more people were at home during the pandemic with more time to blog and read
• i was posting daily for the first 6 months as opposed to posting less over time
• my content has changed drastically
• increased advertisements, sales pitching, etc has decreased readership over all on this platform
• many of the original bloggers and supporters either got sober and moved on, or relapsed and stopped posting

To be fair, i have not intensely studied the issue or even attempted to resolve it. While this blog is important to me to share my experiences, any wisdom i may gain, and to interact with others – my initial feelings were that I was mainly doing it for myself, as an outlet. I made it a place to share what i had learned in recovery along with other areas of my life, intertwining it and reflecting on how one affected the other. My goal has always been personal self improvement, growth, and learning as I go.

I will say my journey is very short of perfect, as is the case with all humans. However, despite one brief relapse since the end of 2018, i have maintained my goal of sobriety and am a much happier, stable person for it.I would not change that victory for anything.

I am super grateful for those who sprang up during those early months who become my main source of support . We were a pretty cool group of about 15-20 who regularly blogged and exchanged ideas and stories. This has decreased greatly. In fact, of the original group, only 2or 3 have kept posting regularly and continue to comment and support as they once did. I have tried to find other blogs here that are similar and consistent, but have had very little success. This truly saddens me because i honestly believe without this resource, i would have failed utterly. It is my belief that many others could have and would have benefitted in the same manner- and may still. But things change…and it has made me question the futility of spending time and energy here. This is not an accusation nor am i blaming anyone, it may be simply that life has gone in a different direction for many.

With that being said, i regretfully have decided to take a long hiatus from posting. I have had to deal with many losses this year, along with ongoing feelings of estrangement from family and friends, along with grief that continues to paralyze me at times. It has forced me to recognize my many failures, as well as the challenges that lie ahead- some that i will need to spend time healing from and deciding how to proceed. I am not completely abandoning the blog, and hopefully at some point will be able to return with more confidence and happiness. I do not have a time line for this.

I wish you all well. I hope that you will continue to strive for excellence and growth.I hope that you will all remember that gratefulness is the ultimate healer. My own gratitude is always overflowing and i will continue to support, read, and comment on the posts .I am off to take that long walk in the woods.

As always,

Namaste.

Since the Pandemic, the already sketchy trust we had in the media, our government , financial institutions and medical care (among many other things) has become almost non-existent. Misleading/mixed information, polarity and fear have led to jaded perspectives and a pretty quick tendency to back away from interactions with people and things we previously trusted. With all the confusion, fear, daily news articles, protests, extreme positions on everything from religion to politics to cultural issues- is it any wonder there has been a huge increase in anxiety, depression and other mental health concerns?

How did this all start? Whenever i have seen this question asked, the variety of answers have run from “our current administration” to “corporate greed” to “the democrats/ republicans” to “lack of God in our schools.” But isn’t it time we examine the roots of this a bit more closely? As in, where does distrust really stem from ?

It starts with the little things. We learn that the world isn’t always kind or pleasant. We fall down, scrape our knees and it hurts. We develop a crush on someone and are rejected. Our best friend lies to or steals from us. We learn that trying new things, quite often, are difficult or painful. While these things are “normal” and sometimes necessary for survival- over time, they can build up, and with them-fear.

And that fear has a way of pushing us into a ‘comfort’ zone.

You see, humans have a tendency to gravitate to the most comfortable ( i.e.-the path of least resistance). It’s way easier to believe, for instance, that the moon was made of cheese, than to understand any kind of science or more complex explanation. It was way easier to believe the world was flat than comprehend otherwise. For a child, it’s more comfortable to believe that your parents can do no wrong than to accept that they are imperfect. And it’s certainly easier to blame someone else rather than understand your own contributions to any problem. More often than comfort though, we are quite simply choosing the path of habituation– good or bad.So, when something happens that contradicts what we think we know-we default back to our fears. That’s when things start to get dicey.

It isn’t the government, or religion, or greedy corporations that are to blame for our inherent lack of trust, per say. It’s the things we have accumulated in our minds throughout life that causes fear . That fear, is a powerful thing – responsible for most of our actions and reactions. Worse, it can be passed down, passed on and continue to fester and grow- for as long as we let it.

For instance-If we are raised to believe that God is wrathful and angry, we learn to feel judged and guilty. If we are raised to believe the outdoors is a dangerous place, we learn to fear it. If our partner cheats on us, we learn betrayal. And if we experience bullying as a child, we tend to carry those emotions over into adulthood( culminating in actions that often harm ourselves and those around us.)

So what is the solution?

In exploring this question we must consider all of the psychological “bricks” that built up these walls. That means asking yourself a helluva lot of questions. You have to break it all down , sort it out and begin understanding how you started believing something in the first place. What things along the way formed your opinion? Were they absolute truth? Or just someone else’s version- the news, your parents, your pastor, or any other force of magnitude in your life? Whose story became your “truth”?

On the other side of that, we have to start asking ourselves how we are complicit in creating fear in others. Parents who threaten their children or push their own beliefs on them are discouraging independent thought. Teachers who insist on rigid ways of learning often stunt the potential of their students rather than enhancing it. Partners who are controlling, overly critical, dishonest or manipulative are sabotaging healthy relationships, and sometimes damaging someone for life. Churches that pose strict rules of conduct and ritual usually create a cult mentality.

While most people know these things they fail to ascribe them to their own choices. Start by being truthful. With yourself and others. If you aren’t sure about something, learn to admit it. If you don’t have any real experience with something, learn about it. Make a point to understand, before passing along flawed or partial information, which is usually based on emotion or opinion, rather than actual fact. {FYI- even “facts” are always changing. If they did not, those with mental or physical disabilities would still be considered “possessed by the devil.” That was a “fact” not that long ago!}

And be vigilant of the small things you do and say most of all. Because if you cant be trusted with the little things, there is no way you will be trusted with the bigger ones.An employer who see you taking short cuts, isnt likely to promote you. A friend who hears you gossiping or telling “little white lies” isn’t going to trust you with their real feelings.A child who sees you cheating on your taxes, will learn to cheat as well. You get the picture. Practice promoting trust and lead by example in your everyday life. It matters.

We all have a responsibility to do better. It starts with the person in the mirror.

Namaste.

The digital age. As we all can agree , there is good and bad to be found in it. The choices and variety available is astonishing. The ease and lightning fast ability to do just about everything is mind blowing. The older a person is, the more crazy it all seems! In less than 2 decades- the access we have now to information, expedited services and functionality- were the stuff of futuristic sci fi movies not that long ago.

Yet, many of those born in the 80’s and later do not regularly consider the value of having these resources at their fingertips, or how much time and money they are actually saving. Too often, i see and hear complaints about the costs of living ‘today’, and not being able to live on the 10-15$ per hour ( the current minimum wage in the U.S.) Although I understand how easy it is to feel that way, I want give some food for thought by offering the following ‘compare and contrast’ situations.

First( disclaimer): i am well aware that the minimum wage kept pace with inflation up until the 1960s’ and if it had kept going like that, the minimum wage today would be $23/hr. And i am also aware that there are more factors in the situation than simply food, shelter, taxes ,and healthcare ( the items calculated to obtain the COLA). Second, I also want to acknowledge that i am also aware that many of the costs come from the overwhelming ‘greed’ factor- mainly corporate greed, Big Pharma, inflated insurance costs, and shady stock market trading.

However, compared to 20 years ago, there have also been truly profound changes in the way of life which save us time, money, with less paper waste and less driving around.

Let’s look at an example of what i am talking about:

My roommate is getting married in December. One of the things she mentions is that she and her partner have their invitations ready, she just has to {press the button on the site they are stored to} send them out. It made me immediately think of what a stark contrast this is to what many of us have had to deal with when it came to weddings( and other events) in the past.

As opposed to simply “typing in” some info, and then “pushing a button” to pay for them as well as have them sent out via email or text, 20 years ago we had to:

1. Find a printer/store( using a phone book…lol)
2. Physically drive to store( or multiple stores)
3. Talk to in person to a sales rep and look through samples in a catalogue
4. Choose which design we wanted, the font, and any changes or additions to the information we desired ( with the help of the sales person who would either write it down, type it onto a file, or have us fill the info out on a paper form)
5. Order the #of invites( including envelopes, inserts and rsvp cards) we desired and pay for it – in cash, check or credit card .
6. Wait until notified by the store that they were ready to be picked up OR wait for them to be mailed to us
7. When received, after making sure the info was correct ( if not the whole process starts over) begin the tedious process of sorting and stuffing them into envelopes, addressing them, and paying for postage( another trip – the post office for stamps)
8. After all were ready, put them in a mailbox or take them to a post office
9. Wait for the r.s.v.p.’s to be returned – also through postal mail ( or phone call if specified on the invite).

This is a far cry from what can be done online today. Even rsvp’s are digital now. It’s simple, takes very little time and costs about 1/8 of the above process.I estimate that the above would take approximately 2-3 weeks of time, and about $150-$200 for a guest list of around 25-50 people ( including gas and depending on how fancy your invites were) just for the invitations! To further drive the point home:

Prior to the 1980’s-multiple trips for just about everything would have been required- driving to and from potentially several places(car fuel & time) for each aspect of the wedding ( not just invitations), taking off of work or leaving early(loss of income) because many places closed around 6pm( stressful and limiting). Businesses had limited Saturday hours and most places were CLOSED on Sundays. Also, consider that there were no Walmarts, and very few big box stores. If you lived in any small town- the drive to one of those places was easily around 45 minutes to an hour, so most things were obtained from smaller local businesses. This limited choices and the cost was easily 4-5 times more than any online resource today. Now just imagine adding in all the other stuff weddings entail- without the internet!

Another thing to note: While the first ATM appeared in New York in 1969, it wasn’t until the 80’s that they became popular across the U.S. We used to have to write checks and snail mail them or drive to places to buy things or pay our bills in person- during regular, limited business hours. Today we can order, pay for and have almost anything we want online ..and even delivered to our home-without even leaving our bedroom . The conveniences we take for granted save us the cost of daily life without them. Do the math- imagine making 10-15$ per hour AND having to pay those costs.And this is true for more than just weddings- getting food, traveling, groceries delivered, banking services, gps, chatting with friends 24/7 from anywhere in the world, music,etc ..all of it used to cost way more.

However, the compromise is way more plastic and electronic waste filling up our oceans as people/businesses upgrade technology to keep up. Additionally- travel times to job locations has increased. Cars/trucks used for delivery services has increased exponentially. More families own more than 1 car and even if they don’t need to , they drive everywhere- all the time. And make no mistake, our environment pays in spades for these “conveniences”…at the cost of 59 million tons of e-waste per year. Additionally:

“The costs of continuing on our current energy path are steep. American consumers and businesses already spend roughly $700 billion to $1 trillion each year on coal, oil and natural gas, and suffer the incalculable costs of pollution from fossil fuels through damage to our health and environment.” -Environment America Online

Today, while the internet, cell phones, card swipers and computers( including those at stores) may make our lives “easier” , we are also complicit in the pollution of our environment because of it. Even a huge portion of outdated ATM parts wind up in the ocean. Rather than complaining about the minimum wage, we should consider how we are all responsible for they way we live our lives, the impact we have on our planet, and learn how to live within our means.

Namaste.