“The only rules that really matter are these: What a man can do, and what a man can’t do.” – Jack Sparrow
One of the many gems we can learn from this wise pirate.
So what can i do?
I have a few hours today to hunker down and set some very serious rules for myself. So far, here’s the skinny:
- i can switch to decaf coffee, strive to not smoke, drink more water, take a better multi-vitamin and go back to the gym( to start with)
- i can cut out unnecessary obligations
- i can choose to let go of things that do not affect the overall outcome of my life and goals( for instance – cleaning out all the kitchen cabinets, pulling out appliances to clean under them, doing my budget weekly( monthly should suffice), etc. Also- CLEANING UP AFTER OTHERS!
- i can choose not to stress that others are not doing their job, even if it affects my ability to do my job.( probably my biggest issue)
- i can refuse to take up the slack and do others jobs and i can allow the consequences to be their own lesson
- i can refuse to micromanage things, and stick to boundaries – with absolute consequences. I have been way to flexible and empathetic, often leading to taking on more stress myself
- i can stop stressing about bills being paid on time , every time. If this means late fees, or utility shut offs, etc then it is what it is and i can only do what i can do. It shouldn’t be only my responsibility in a household of 3 adults.
- i can stop stressing about my property investment falling apart due to water on the floor, furnace cycling constantly because the vents and airflow/ thermostat was messed with, etc , etc, etc.
- basically – fuck it.
These things are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my stress factors. My brain, my heart, and my body simply cannot continue taking on the brunt of all of it. allow me to go on…
- i can stop worrying about other people problems- whether they are homeless or not, have enough food or heat or access to healthcare, etc.This is NOT on me. I have spent way too much time on these things
- i can focus on caring for myself with out being selfish, self centered or self serving. There is a balance, and a compromise.
- i can say NO..and allow others to figure it out on their own or choose to be upset with me.
- i can stop focusing on fear and start focusing on what is best for my own health. I have sacrificed enough of myself for the sake of others for far too long.After all, i have been a nurse- taking on the risks of what that entails for decades- up to and including daily exposure ( i cannot work from home or shelter in place), limiting my own choices to protect others( i.e. not going to the gym etc), and being one of the sacrificial lambs to take this vaccine when many others wanted to “wait and see”
- i can ask myself “is this my job? or someone else’s?”
Anyway, you get the gist. I do realize this is going to cause many in my life to become angry. But at this point, they will either have to get over it or maintain a grudge ( sapping their own energy rather than helping themselves). Trust me, it’s going to be extremely tough for me as well. I have to stop myself from habits/roles i’ve had my entire life. The care taker, the responsible one, the rock. I need to be water now.
And begin the process of my own healing.
“You’ve stolen me and I’m here to take myself back.” – Jack Sparrow