Playing Catch Up

As time goes by i feel less inclined to write. This will probably pass and is likely due to just being busy but i always feel guilty for not keeping up with others on here or contributing.I think distractions are also a huge factor- whenever i sit down to write, i see or think of a million other things i need to get to and then just never come back to the blogging.So, i’ll try to make this a “catch-up” post.

The last post was a simple poem and it was about all i had in me to give. It represented that still soft voice inside as well as the booming rebel yell externally. Re- reading it reminded me not only that i am not dead yet, but may still have another whole half of life left to go.

So what am i doing with that life? Well in the past month , since i wrote about the previous projects:

1.I have continued to work out and walk.This is still mostly before and after my weightlifting and on a treadmill but also have had a decent amount of out door time.

2.This past week was one of my annual “Staycations” when my case family goes away. Some years i have gone to the beach or elsewhere, but financially that wasn’t in the cards this year .Probably won’t be for a few years to come either but i don’t mind BECAUSE….

3. i have FINALLY made a down payment and obtained a loan to put up my little cabin in the woods. This has been a dream of mine for many years although until recently i thought it would be separate from my main property. After much consideration, i do have a small patch of woods that i can walk up to anytime that has been sitting there not being used since i moved here and it made more sense to develop something i could use year round and without wasting money on renting. So i present to you my new staycation hideaway

Soon to be ….

This will be delivered in August after the site prep has been done as well as a clearing a 14 foot wide pathway through the woods to get it up there . Once it’s in place i can begin planning the fun stuff like window boxes , exchangeable screen doors, lofts for sleeping on , etc. There is a rough fire pit too. I can imagine the evenings and nights i will spend up there with my grandkids, friends and alone in peace and relaxation!

4. I went to my first local bodybuilding show. It was very small and hopefully this organization will grow over time. It is an all natural show ( meaning they test for a huge list of no-no’s) and is more realistic for me ethically and physically.

5. I continue to work on the children’s book with the author and have picked up some commissions as well. I am doing may art as i please and in random spurts which is so much better for my peace of mind.

6. I continue to do my Tribal stuff and have most of my ducks in a row for our homecoming at White Top Mountain , Virginia, at the end of July. This will be our first gathering at our tribal origins. I have rented a tiny house for two nights in nearby Tennessee and will be doing the drive to and from solo.I look forward to the visual beauty of the area and spending time with my family.

There really is so much to write about but i wanted to keep it all short until i feel more sorted out. Too overwhelming when i start to think on things for very long. But I miss all of you on here and will endeavor to catch up with your posts as well.

Hugs and Namaste!

Yes, I Can Rhyme

I don’t do this very often because , even though i have written lots of poetry, i do not consider myself a “poet”. Tonight I came across a poem i wrote in 2017. It came on the heels of unloading 3 very toxic people in my life at the time, all in the same week. I was feeling a bit elated, and at the same time leveraging my future. I chose to post it because a few recent events ( although not as dramatic as these things once were to me) it still resonates. Thanks in advance for reading:)

I am Old but not Invisible

I am old, but not invisible
I am tired , but not invincible

While in the mirror the signs may be seen
At my feet lay the crown of a Queen

My love has travelled thru many a Heart
My body has been cast in many a part

From mother, to wife, to nurse to artist
The best is yet to come, and maybe the hardest

I will yet be a force with which to be reckoned
I will not be commanded , but i will be beckoned

The past, present and future are all team players
My home, my friends , and lovers are surveyors

Not everyone will see, but the best of them will
The courageous, the daring, the ones who thrill

I am old but not invisible
My soul remains true , and is indivisible…


Reeling It In

Some days you’re the bug and some days you’re the windshield. This is especially true if, like me, you tend to fill up your plate all the time. It’s a bit like throwing out your fishing line over & over and at some point, realizing you’ve overshot the distance.

So, you reel it back in and try to get a better handle on it.

I’ve blogged about this several times- increased stress, taking on too much and having to sort things out for my own sanity. But it bears repeating because although I know WHAT to do, and why, I still repeat this pattern from time to time. Some things are just lifelong issues.

Recently I haven’t posted very much because I have taken on several new projects that are important to me. Things I have really wanted to do and did not or could not take the opportunity before. But even so, I am starting to realize I need to reign myself in.

In addition to my rather rigid daily routine (that I hope will lead me to fulfilling a dream of being on stage for competition in bodybuilding in the next 2 years) which is quite an undertaking, I have additionally:

  • Started working with writer to illustrate her work. It will be a long process as it is a first children’s book for her, and my first time doing more than the cover art.
  • I have proposed and been approved to head up a committee for my tribe for Women’s health, healing, and Civil Rights. As the medicine woman and member of council, I have long wanted to be a leader in this area and contribute in a way that speaks to my soul. It’s a lot AND
  • In addition – I am on council as well as another committee that is also super important for the advancement of our tribe. Each of these meets once a month on zoom and the work related to it can be intense( but ultimately fulfilling).
  • Finally gotten my interior house painting started. Downstairs is 99% complete and looks wonderful! I even bought new curtains:)

This all sounds ok so far, right? But as I consider these projects and responsibilities in addition to working FT nights, getting to regular appointments, home upgrades and repairs, housework/chores, balancing finances and trying to fit in some down time for self-care- it starts to become overwhelming.

Something’s gotta give- and I am on it!

In considering all of the above I also know that:

  1. I have to lift at least 4 days minimum per week to build the physique I need to compete. Since I have added light cardio before and after the workout now, it takes up about 2-2 ½ hrs each time including the drive and depending on how busy it is on any given day.
  2. I need to see my grandchildren at least once a month. In a normal month I have off most Wednesdays and Saturdays. Wednesday is always my down time day and I make that a priority- this is the day I have company over or do something relaxing. So Saturdays are usually housework, chores, laundry and other stuff I need to catch up on. I have the grand kids on one, leaving only 3 days open for that stuff during the month.
  3. The nights I don’t go to the gym is when I schedule other appointments like car maintenance, doctors, dentists, etc.
  4. Each night I also have to do my “therapies”:  heat/ ice, TENS unit; use my shiatzu massager, and just relax(or meditate) for an hour or two while doing that before work.
  5. I often have texts emails, messages, and phone calls to deal with when I awaken- OR run errands -many that have to be done before 5p when things. It’s a rush, rush, rush to get them done.

If you add all of this up, add in 40 plus hours plus 10 hours of driving for work each week, it can be exhausting!

 Here is what I have done( so far) to ease some of this:

  1. I get an average of 4 hrs sleep each day, so on my nights off I make an effort to get as much extra sleep as I can.
  2. Whereas , for over a year now I spent an additional 10-12 hours in food prep each week ( including getting groceries, putting stuff away, then prepping and cooking meals, portioning them out according to my Macro allowance, and freezing them)- I have now opted to get healthy meals – fully cooked and ready to heat up- delivered. I wrestled with this one because I know I can make stuff cheaper myself BUT after weighing the gas and time savings as well as increased peace of mind, it was worth it.
  3. I make that time for my therapies and gym time like any other appointment. It’s an absolutely priority for my health and well being. When I don’t get that time, I have increased pain, sleep even worse than usual and worse- I start to fall asleep at work! NOT GOOD!
  4. I have cut way back on my art in general. I simply don’t have the time, energy or leftover money to buy supplies. I am focusing on this new book project and trying to sell what I already have.
  5. I have accepted that 2 goals a year for home upgrades is all I have time and money for. Yes, it sucks but it is what it is.
  6. I have committed to 80-96 oz of water intake as well as an electrolyte and collagen supplement each day. I eat a protein packed yogurt and some oatmeal as well, along with an additional enzyme supplement with meals to help with digestion.
  7. I strive to make 1-2 days of the cardio OUTDOORS, enjoying nature and sunshine.
  8. And finally, I am getting much better at taking a few moments to re set myself– body, mind and spirit- when I start to feel overwhelmed.

Some days, i still having trouble balancing it all, but I am trying. My days are full, and sometimes I get irritable- but as I look back on years gone by and remember how much time I wasted on frivolous social activities, drinking, and not taking care of myself -i have to state for the record- I am much more at peace, and grateful for my life now.

I hope ya’ll are doing well and gearing up for the summer fun with the added daylight hours. Get out there and enjoy the fresh air, get some exercise and indulge in rich, local produce. Visit with friends and make time for self-care. Look up to the sky and express your gratitude as often as you can. You will be glad you did!