Today is one year since my little brother passed away. It’s been hard already. The grief began again the night before and continues to permeate my thoughts. My heart is heavily infused with sadness and sentiment , and every time i think it’s subsiding, it comes back.
I know many of you out there have lost someone you loved at some point- a parent, a child, a sibling, a friend, a partner. So you also know grief. Much like sobriety, it is not linear. I can go for days , sometimes a few weeks thinking i have it under control… and then a song comes on, or a moment in a movie i’m watching, or a sentence in book i’m reading. There is no end to this song, this movie, this book. There are only reprieves.
My heart goes out to each and every one of you who know this pain. My hope is that in time, the sadness eases and i am able to follow the advice i have been given so many times this past year- “remember the good things, the good times”, “remember the love”, “laugh again when you remember how you laughed together”, ” see him and feel him all around you, he is still with you.” Maybe someday this will be how it is, but it isnt yet for me. I will keep going though- trying to process.
For now, i will just honor my brother in every way i can- in the way i live, how i interact with others, and what i hold sacred.
I love you, Len…my brother, my friend, my mentor and voice of reason.
Peace and Namaste.
Wake up! 