life changes – Wake up!

Salutations and Happy Mid-Winter!

Posted on February 24, 2025February 24, 2025 by Lovie Price

I hope you all are well and at least trying to enjoy some outdoor activities in the snow:)

In my last post I mentioned my new home and that i would be forthcoming with some more details. I’m so excited to share, so here ya go..

I previously explained why i could not fulfill the dream of having lots of land and a small home or cabin as i so very much wanted. But when it came down to it, i realized it was unrealistic in todays economy as well as my own physical inability to care for such a place alone, especially considering my age. It saddened me at for awhile, but where i ended up is so much better!

I am surrounded on all sides by state game lands and a state park. Hiking trail access is abundant and there are more places to explore within 5-10 minutes than i could possibly ever complete. I am closer than ever to many of the trails, too, that i had on my bucket list for several years.

The community i am in is absolutely wonderful and comes with so many perks and blessings i feel as if it was destiny. Never in my life would i have expected to end up where i’m at, but I continue to fall in love with it more everyday!!

Here are just ‘some’ of the wonderful things so far:

The people in the community are just awesome. They are super friendly ( every one waves , even if they don’t know you.) If you are out walking, they will stop and chat for a few minutes.
the skies are so clear you can see an amazing array of stars at night.
it’s sooo quiet..no traffic, no humming machinery, no loud street noise, no barking dogs or kids( its an adult community)- just birds and the sweet sounds of nature.Dogs are allowed but they are very well behaved, and i’ve never heard one barking.
it’s only a 15 minute easy drive to work
wildlife is abundant- fox, deer, squirrels, bunnies, raccoons and all kinds of critters. Some of the neighbors have wildlife cams and post them on the private community FB page for everyone to enjoy.
The ease of maintenance– roads are always promptly plowed when it snows and theres a gentleman that charges a very small monthly fee($70) to maintain your driveway and yard( including lawn mowing and leaf removal) year round. You only pay the months you want to- no commitment.There is also an incinerator for cardboard and leaves if you desire- which is quite handy if you get a lot of amazon packages.
One floor living– no more up and down stairs for laundry, baths, and appliance maintenance.The home is open and spacious and only 300 square feet less than my previous home. With 2 large bedrooms, a generous living room/dining area, and a large 3 season back porch area- it’s the perfect size for me:). I even have a hard wired generator that comes on automatically in power outages- no skills required.I feel safe and prepared.
some of the amenities include a gym inside the community building which also holds bingo nights, shuffle board, corn hole , and a host of social clubs open to everyone. The community center itself is a world of books, movies, pool tables and frequent dinners and other events. There is truly something for everyone, but it is also perfectly fine to keep to yourself.
i already mentioned access to hiking trails, but there are also parks, camp grounds, small lakes and other great places to visit nearby such as an ice skating pond, a roller rink, and even festival grounds. And even though i’m far enough off the main road to avoid noise- i’m still close to anything i might need, including health care, banks and groceries.
In my first month i was welcomed with surprise gift bags left on my porch and a visit from the welcoming committee who presented me with an entire packet of goodies. The community has its own monthly newsletter ,social calendar, and FB page. Whenever i have needed anything, i’ve just called the office or asked on the fb page . The responses have been kind, helpful and positive.One neighbor welcomed me to cross her back yard to the trails.The mail lady left a hand written welcome note in my mail box. One neighbor took the time to bring my packages to my door when amazon left them out in the rain.I have been amazed and overjoyed with the sense of community here.
The HOA rules are actually GREAT. Never thought i’d say that, but they keep the neighborhood looking nice, safe and enjoyable for everyone.

And let’s talk finance for a minute…

First, i made a nice profit selling my old place.As i had anticipated, the federal reserve states that they will not be lowering the interest rates and now with the rapid inflation we are experiencing, both sellers and buyers have dramatically decreased- opting to hold on to what they have or wait. If i had waited, i’d likely be stuck for years in a place i was unhappy with and/or walked away with less. With some of that profit i’ve been able to get some furniture i want and a few things for myself( nothing expensive!), plus have a cushion for any unforeseen emergencies. I’ve lowered my mortgage balance by 74,000 and thre lot rent is very low ( 380/mo) which includes trash, sewer, and water. Since i own the home but not the land, i pay next to nothing in taxes. Even the home owners insurance is lower. There’s a gas station nearby that is always about 30 cents /gallon lower than others in the area and since my drive is 30 minutes less one way to work i save on that as well. My electric bill is about 150 less per month than previously, and the only other utility is heating oil which i’ve only had to fill up once so far this winter.

So all in all- i think it’s a win. Now i can settle in and focus on better things.I still have projects of course- carpet removal and other flooring to put in and repainting the walls.But there’s no rush.My anxiety level has improved, and i’m sleeping much better too. I’m finally feeling like i can relax a bit, and spend more time hiking and doing other things i enjoy in life.

Until next time…

Namaste!

Scorched Earth

Posted on February 26, 2024February 26, 2024 by Lovie Price

Many moons ago, during the first year I started this blog, i made a post about attachments. For some reason, perhaps the title itself, it was one of the most read posts i have ever had on here. I searched it out tonight and re read it, in light of the process I am now going through.

Like most people, my life has seemed like one failed experiment after another. I always learned through trial and error what i didn’t want , but could never seem to put my finger on what i did want, and why i couldn’t get it and with each new adventure, i became disillusioned and depressed when it did not bring the satisfaction i longed for. However, one dream never left my heart. More of a need, really.

I suppose it was always there, that need, lurking just through the fog, even as a child. Always out of reach and not clear. It both haunted and dogged me, creating fear and yet, somehow- a reprieve.It was the dream of a place in the woods, on a mountain with a small cabin, far away from the world at large, surrounded by trees …. alone. The essence of peace, strength, self – reliance, and answering to no one. Free to wander, to sleep under the stars, and use every one of my senses to experience the raw nature around me. Breathing in the fresh air, gazing across miles and miles of endless wilderness. I craved silence. I craved simplicity.

I have made several feeble attempts to access the dream without giving up “too much”. I’ve vacationed in many many scenarios and spent hours trying to find places i could visit to feel calm and centered. I went through periods of walking alone, running alone, hiking, and even putting up a small cabin retreat in the woods on my own property. With each project, the end result was the same- unsatisfying. Like water for Chocolate.

But i was manifesting, without even realizing it- through loss. Losing more than i ever thought possible in the past few year and in a single moment of clarity, i realized how loss has been creating a clearer path to my dream.And i just- accepted it. No one to define me. No material possessions to weigh me down. My daughter says I am entering a “new season” of life and used the term “scorched earth”. I like that, the idea of being completely stripped down, barren – a created space to grow anew. It feels like the perfect description. Shedding layers of attachments and to face myself with no labels.

I no longer belong to the world’s ideas or versions of me.

I see freedom on the horizon, and it looks like heaven itself.

A Return to Writing: Some Final Words about Sobriety and What I’ve been Up To

Posted on January 1, 2024January 1, 2024 by Lovie Price

It’s been a few months and i must say, i have missed my blog. I still wrote in my online ( private ) journal and somehow thought that would satisfy me. However, i found that since i had no accountability anywhere it usually just descended into whining, and i had no “redemption” writing as i did before (here).

I guess i have been waiting to have some decent content, as i was running low on that this past year. I did start the hiking journey and have continued, but with the daylight savings making it dark so early, i have only been able to do 2-3 miles most nights at a local park that stay lit up and open till 11p ( my only option as i work nights and don’t get out the door till after 5p usually) and it’s very boring- loop after loop on pavement, no trees or views, and very close to a busy traffic area. The idea is to at least stay active through the winter. I am still not wanting to go to a gym, per say. The thought of having to “work out” around sweaty people and share machines and equipment just isn’t appealing to me right now.

All of that being said and out of the way, i have decided to continue on here with content related to my hiking ventures going forward as a focus. I’m excited to share the progress i’ve made with gear, plans/goals, training and testing out stuff ( experiments galore!). But before i start any of that i wanted to do one last post regarding sobriety- which is the subject that started this whole blog. Blogging and interacting here has been such a wonderful and supportive place from the onset of my recovery, and i wouldn’t feel right if i didn’t leave some respectful words regarding it before i move on.

I cannot even begin to express the depth of my gratefulness for my choice to get sober and the appreciation i have for the great support system i had on here. My recovery was( as is common) not ‘linear”. I started in earnest at the end of 2018. I had my fair share of slips, tried moderation and failed, and even had a brief relapse during Covid in 2020. As of today, January 2024, i can say with confidence that i am completely over it with zero desire to drink. No i’m not “cured.Yes, i will always be an alcoholic. But that’s ok. It doesn’t mean what it once did to me.I no longer have to fight cravings, or deal with the emotional effects, and it’s rare that i even remember there is still such a thing as alcohol at all! In fact, on the rare occasion that i remember “drinking” i actually feel nauseous and immediately put it out of my head.I cannot even believe it once held so much power over me.

I say all of this so that maybe somebody reading this out there can find the hope they need to stick to it and see themselves through the trials and tribulations of recovery. Saying “it’s not easy” just doesn’t cut it. Recovery is damn hard, and at times felt like a soul-sucking demon from the 7th level of hell , determined to torture and almost kill me- sometimes for weeks on end.You are officially and completely validated if you are feeling like not drinking ever again is the most horrible thing ever. I felt that way for a long time, and many people do. But i did it. Please..please…know that it can be done and it is so worth it. And if for any reason you even think you should quit, you probably should. Once your that poison leaves your system for good, the brain becomes more awake, alive, productive and refreshed than you can imagine- you will wonder how you ever drank in the first place. You will wonder how you ever got anything done at all!

For me, and some others i am sure, it was triple hard because of the genetics and medical issues i inherited . In addition to being unable to have a beer (or ten), I cannot smoke marijuana, and i cannot take medication for depression or anxiety either. So, no prozac, lexapro ,or anything that messes with my Seretonin( Meaning all SSRI’s). I literally have to “sit in my own shit” and deal with things raw, minute to minute, day after day…forever. There is no chemical escape or “medicinal” alteration from my feelings, problems, or mental baggage. And some days that really sucks. Ok, those things suck everyday, but…….

I want to say just a few more things that will drive the point home and i will be done with it. I look around at the people i know ( or know of) that still indulge in these activities on a regular basis, especially those who regularly over indulge. This is not about those who occasionally ( once a month or less) enjoy a drink or two, etc. You know what i see? Nothing. No progress. I see where i could still be. Best case scenario- they are just getting through every day, with low expectations, low energy, and have achieved nothing.Just going through the motions. Worst case- some have lost almost everything, are barely able to survive, and have absolutely no motivation or drive to get anything or go anywhere in life.

If i had not quit, i would not have :

gotten a better job( with benefits)
finally bought my own home ( after 10 years of renting)
improved my art skills
been able to form the beautiful bond i have with my grandkids
been able to separate from the toxic people and drama
gotten back into taking care of my health and body
been able to get my credit score up to over 800( and climbing!)
paid off a ton of debt /make home improvements
started to get serious about my life goals and dreams again
been able to deal with the serious emotional, medical and physical issues that happened along the way

I could probably write down at least 10 more things off the top of my head. In addition to the above( normal aging not withstanding)- my skin looks 10 years younger , i have more energy, and generally eat 100% better than i did for over a decade ( while i drank). I am finally sleeping better (at least 50% of the time) and i don’t wake up with on going feelings of dread , depression, anxiety, and despair. Certainly, life is not perfect, but it’s a helluva lot better than it could have been or would have been.

The video below isnt “great quality”( btw, i am chewing gum..i always do when walking or hiking)..but i am working on improving for my future Youtube channel..stay tuned:)

I hope everyone is doing well and i wish you all a Happy New Years!

Sending love and good vibes –

Namaste

A Christmas Day Adventure

Self-Assessment 2022

Posted on October 3, 2022 by Lovie Price

Let’s face it, folks- we are in the homestretch of 2022…the 4^th quarter.. and right around the corner from new opportunities . It’s time to look yourself in the mirror, settle into meditation or spend time in your preferred way of embracing a better you.

I offer the following suggestions as a starting place. Pick one. Pick a dozen. Add your own. Or utilize all of them. It’s time for preparations now so that we don’t have to make reparations later.

And p.s.-Have fun!

What gives you peace
What gives you pleasure
What are your strengths
What are your challenges
What are your obstacles
What are your privileges
What healthy boundaries have you stuck to this year
What limitations have you accepted about yourself
What was your biggest regret this year
What was your greatest accomplishment
How do you envision yourself changing in 2023
What are the steps you will take to make that change
What are you grateful for now?
How has this past year changed you
Are you surrounding yourself with positive people
Has your environment changed in any way
What are your fears for the coming year
How did you give back in 2022
How will you give back in 2023
Who is most important to you
Have you made significant progress toward your life goals this year
How can you do better next year
If you could change only one thing this year what would it be
When you look in the mirror, what do you see
Do you have any negative thoughts that need to be dealt with
Has your faith deepened or changed in any way
Do you have plans for a better spiritual life
Have you made any cookies this year
If not, why haven’t you made any cookies
If so, what kind of cookies would you like to make this year

(can you tell I love cookies?-lol)

Hugs to all and Namaste!

Reeling It In

Posted on June 1, 2022 by Lovie Price

Some days you’re the bug and some days you’re the windshield. This is especially true if, like me, you tend to fill up your plate all the time. It’s a bit like throwing out your fishing line over & over and at some point, realizing you’ve overshot the distance.

So, you reel it back in and try to get a better handle on it.

I’ve blogged about this several times- increased stress, taking on too much and having to sort things out for my own sanity. But it bears repeating because although I know WHAT to do, and why, I still repeat this pattern from time to time. Some things are just lifelong issues.

Recently I haven’t posted very much because I have taken on several new projects that are important to me. Things I have really wanted to do and did not or could not take the opportunity before. But even so, I am starting to realize I need to reign myself in.

In addition to my rather rigid daily routine (that I hope will lead me to fulfilling a dream of being on stage for competition in bodybuilding in the next 2 years) which is quite an undertaking, I have additionally:

Started working with writer to illustrate her work. It will be a long process as it is a first children’s book for her, and my first time doing more than the cover art.
I have proposed and been approved to head up a committee for my tribe for Women’s health, healing, and Civil Rights. As the medicine woman and member of council, I have long wanted to be a leader in this area and contribute in a way that speaks to my soul. It’s a lot AND
In addition – I am on council as well as another committee that is also super important for the advancement of our tribe. Each of these meets once a month on zoom and the work related to it can be intense( but ultimately fulfilling).
Finally gotten my interior house painting started. Downstairs is 99% complete and looks wonderful! I even bought new curtains:)

This all sounds ok so far, right? But as I consider these projects and responsibilities in addition to working FT nights, getting to regular appointments, home upgrades and repairs, housework/chores, balancing finances and trying to fit in some down time for self-care- it starts to become overwhelming.

Something’s gotta give- and I am on it!

In considering all of the above I also know that:

I have to lift at least 4 days minimum per week to build the physique I need to compete. Since I have added light cardio before and after the workout now, it takes up about 2-2 ½ hrs each time including the drive and depending on how busy it is on any given day.
I need to see my grandchildren at least once a month. In a normal month I have off most Wednesdays and Saturdays. Wednesday is always my down time day and I make that a priority- this is the day I have company over or do something relaxing. So Saturdays are usually housework, chores, laundry and other stuff I need to catch up on. I have the grand kids on one, leaving only 3 days open for that stuff during the month.
The nights I don’t go to the gym is when I schedule other appointments like car maintenance, doctors, dentists, etc.
Each night I also have to do my “therapies”: heat/ ice, TENS unit; use my shiatzu massager, and just relax(or meditate) for an hour or two while doing that before work.
I often have texts emails, messages, and phone calls to deal with when I awaken- OR run errands -many that have to be done before 5p when things. It’s a rush, rush, rush to get them done.

If you add all of this up, add in 40 plus hours plus 10 hours of driving for work each week, it can be exhausting!

Here is what I have done( so far) to ease some of this:

I get an average of 4 hrs sleep each day, so on my nights off I make an effort to get as much extra sleep as I can.
Whereas , for over a year now I spent an additional 10-12 hours in food prep each week ( including getting groceries, putting stuff away, then prepping and cooking meals, portioning them out according to my Macro allowance, and freezing them)- I have now opted to get healthy meals – fully cooked and ready to heat up- delivered. I wrestled with this one because I know I can make stuff cheaper myself BUT after weighing the gas and time savings as well as increased peace of mind, it was worth it.
I make that time for my therapies and gym time like any other appointment. It’s an absolutely priority for my health and well being. When I don’t get that time, I have increased pain, sleep even worse than usual and worse- I start to fall asleep at work! NOT GOOD!
I have cut way back on my art in general. I simply don’t have the time, energy or leftover money to buy supplies. I am focusing on this new book project and trying to sell what I already have.
I have accepted that 2 goals a year for home upgrades is all I have time and money for. Yes, it sucks but it is what it is.
I have committed to 80-96 oz of water intake as well as an electrolyte and collagen supplement each day. I eat a protein packed yogurt and some oatmeal as well, along with an additional enzyme supplement with meals to help with digestion.
I strive to make 1-2 days of the cardio OUTDOORS, enjoying nature and sunshine.
And finally, I am getting much better at taking a few moments to re set myself– body, mind and spirit- when I start to feel overwhelmed.

Some days, i still having trouble balancing it all, but I am trying. My days are full, and sometimes I get irritable- but as I look back on years gone by and remember how much time I wasted on frivolous social activities, drinking, and not taking care of myself -i have to state for the record- I am much more at peace, and grateful for my life now.

I hope ya’ll are doing well and gearing up for the summer fun with the added daylight hours. Get out there and enjoy the fresh air, get some exercise and indulge in rich, local produce. Visit with friends and make time for self-care. Look up to the sky and express your gratitude as often as you can. You will be glad you did!

Namaste!

Never Quit

Posted on May 13, 2022 by Lovie Price

It’s been 24 years since i have had the courage to buy and wear a bikini. But i did it today. I put it on, took pictures and forced myself to face my fears and post them, both here and on social media. It’s been one year since i started back into bodybuilding with commitment and focus. And starting over again at age 54 wasn’t easy. My self confidence had hit rock bottom after a decade of slacking off, partying, toxic relationships and otherwise letting myself go. I didn’t think i would ever be able to show my body, flaws and all, publicly ever again. Here ya go:

These photos signify one full year of consistent hard work, dedication, and sacrifice. A year of struggling with nutrition and health issues. A year of getting up, going in and putting in the work- day after day- even when i didn’t feel like it.

I have another year, maybe even two, to go before i am ready to even think about competing.I need to add more lean muscle, sculpt and refine.And then the truly hard part- competition “prep” will begin.

Everyday, i am grateful I made the choice to quit a lifestyle that was destructive, unproductive, and full of bad choices. Everyday, i am grateful i finally chose “me”.

And now, i can look that insecurity demon in the eye and say

“I got this.”

Namaste!

“Is this in my control?”

Posted on March 24, 2022April 1, 2022 by Lovie Price

This is question # 3 on my list related to stoicism.

A good amount of my study in stoicism recently has revolved around this very question- mainly because i believe absorbing it as a precursor to any stressful reaction i might have will be very helpful.

The stoics really emphasize the idea that much of life, probably 90%, is beyond our control. But that other 10% is. We can control our own thoughts, behaviors, words and actions. Rather than give a lengthy “lecture” post, i will give some personal examples from my own life. Often i find reading particular examples more helpful than parroting rhetoric, so here goes:

about 2 years ago, i went through a very traumatic event in which someone i thought was a good friend, someone i had helped out on many occasions and even worried about betrayed the friendship. In fact, that person went so far as to publicly accuse and humiliate me which led to ruining my reputation and a venue that my roommate and i had worked so hard to establish for 3 years. I was devastated. Additionally an ex boyfriend of mine became involved in the situation. We had recently broken up and i can only assume it was his personal pain that contributed to his words and actions.To be honest i still suffer from this incident and have withdrawn from a community i loved and cherished out of fear and anxiety.
Recently i went through a break up as well. This initially stemmed from my anger and fear of abandonment. I felt and perceived the persons sudden distancing as a direct assault and reacted with haste and unkind words. While i realize i am allowed to “feel” emotions and embrace those feelings- i did not initially understand the reasons behind his actions and behaviors. I am beginning to process those things. Again, i am still being affected by the ending of our relationship, and probably will be for awhile.
For much of my life, i have been affected by a certain family member’s passive-aggressive behaviors. At several points in time it became so bad i had to block and ignore them completely for long periods.They are still this way and it takes everything in my power to keep enough distance while still maintaining the love and care i want to have for this person.

In all of these cases, i reacted in a certain pattern. Anger, lashing out, blocking them out and feeling resentful. While i felt i was “processing” the feelings, in reality, i was , in fact holding onto my own perception of the events, and inwardly and/or outwardly defending my own beliefs. It’s a very tough thing to realize, admit to oneself and work on the humility and self awareness of the truth. Even tougher is doing the work on ones self to fix it.

In all of these cases, too, the underlying issue was allowing myself to believe i could somehow control the other persons thoughts, behaviors and actions in some way.If i just nagged enough, defended my position enough, or showed enough proof that they were “wrong”- eventually they would see things my way ( read “the right way”) . I would be justified and validated and life would go on- me, being comforted in the knowledge that i was correct. It is a trap many many of us fall into- in relationships, online, at our jobs, – even with our own children or parents. Realizing that my perceptions are likely one sided and flawed in many ways, as well as acknowledging another persons right to have those feelings has been eye opening.

But- again- what is and isn’t in our control?

Thats right- our own thoughts, behaviors , words and actions. What IS NOT in our control are other peoples thoughts, behaviors, words and actions. This sounds very logical on paper..or in memes..or in casual conversation, etc. Applying it to situations that are much closer to our hearts and minds, or ones that create intense feelings in ourselves, is much harder.

As i move through the process of healing and re learning self love, this is a key component of my meditations and daily thoughts. I am finding much inspiration from the stoics , as well as buddhism and other philosophies. One person i have recently been listening to is Alan Watts. Many of his lectures are free on youtube. Years ago, i would have blown him off as too complicated and boring. But now i find myself more easily able to absorb his perspectives, as well as being able to apply them to my own experiences, even as a Christian. In this regard, i have also been taking in many other perspectives- including various spiritual speakers/practitioners, secular speakers , and actually listening to the words of people around me instead of tuning them out when they don’t agree with my own experiences. It is definitely humbling and a process that will take a very long time.But i am encouraged by the moments of peace and inspiration i have been experiencing, as well as becoming more aware of patterns i have engaged in that no longer serve me ( if they ever did!).

Commentary and suggestions are welcome. Thanks for reading and Namaste!

“Is this who i want to be?”

Posted on March 19, 2022April 1, 2022 by Lovie Price

As i ran through my question list tonight i had intended t go straight to # 3 just to stay in order. But i realized that the above question is the one i should be working on for awhile. And that little quote after the question really stopped me in my tracks .

Recently i have been going through a relationship break up.I mentioned it before on here and have truly been trying my best with the processing and trying to refrain from constantly posting about emotional turmoil and making decisions that i am not really ready to make. It’s been a rollercoaster and i can’t trust my feelings on it even from day to day. I go from angry to sad to indifferent and i never know which one today will be….Sigh.

Looking back on my patterns in life is a real eye opener sometimes. I absolutely loathe many of the ways i have gone about things , even though most of the time i achieved the end result i was seeking. I am usually too reactive, and reckless when i am in the heat of an emotional situation.I will react in various ways, regret it, then try something else. I do this over and over until i either accomplish what i wanted , am exhausted or am impeded for whatever reason- forcing me to deal with the mess i’ve made. I am not sure what that says about me but it surely makes me feel like a basket case until i resolve the issue.. I re read the quote , thought about all of this and know i need to put some time into using that challenge to become the person i want to be. Old patterns need to be addressed and dealt with.

How we do anything, is how we do everything. So, so true!

Many times i have looked around and watched in envy as i see people seemingly glide though life with a swan-like grace, as if they were just born with the ability to immediately know how to handle every given situation. These people exude zen like the Buddha himself and are so damned charming i can just imagine a King Cobra falling in love and giving up his fangs for him/her. I have always dreamed of achieving this state of nirvana, wisdom and serenity. Alas, i have never achieved it, no matter how many mantras i repeat, how much time i spend in meditation, or how many books i’ve read on the topic. It seems out of reach. Time and time again i get frustrated and wind up telling myself “Lovie, it’s just not in the cards for you”.

So, in this regard, i believe i have to start with much smaller questions:

-why do i believe i react this way?

-what are the usual steps in my process?

-how can i change those usual steps to create a more positive outcome?

-how can i avoid some of the steps that just make things worse?

-what can i do daily to make progress towards all of this?

I still don’t have the answers, but as with much of the hard work i have done on myself over the past few years i know that i have to keep at it.It will be difficult and time consuming.

I may never be Ghandi, or Mother Theresa, but surely there is a chance i can achieve more peace and sensibility.And with that i am setting upon my journey.

Any suggestions for enlightenment are welcome.

Namaste!

“Who are You Spending Time With?”

Posted on March 10, 2022 by Lovie Price

And now on to the second (set of) questions on my list:( warning- long read)

“Who am i spending my time with?Are they pushing me towards where i want to go or away from it? or Are they keeping me the same?

You know, when i first came across this question and started considering it, i realized that 99.9% of the time, we do not think about this when we are meeting someone for the first time. And, rightly so. We aren’t sure yet what role they will play in our lives. It’s a question, though, that should be answered if we start to spend a decent amount of time with that person. What happens most often is that we wind up spending a lot of time with people who do not add to our life in any positive way.

Now, i know there is no “formula” or crystal ball that can tell us how to assess potential relationships from the onset. But, it seems to me , at some point in life one has to realize the limited amount of time we have on this planet and put more thought into how we want to spend it. More importantly- WHO we spend it with.

When i look back at various relationships( of all types) that i have had, i understand that no matter how small, each person did serve a purpose and if i look hard enough i will find it. Not every relationship was nice, kind or helpful. But not every one was bad, toxic, or meaningless. I say all of this first as a disclaimer to this next bit. I submit to you what i have learned in my own experiences regarding the presented questions above.And these are simply my own ramblings– I am not a counselor, psychiatrist or sage, so take them as you will. I believe:

You get to CHOOSE- that’s right- choose, who you devote your time to. It doesn’t matter if you have kids or not, are married or not, are an orphan or not. It doesn’t matter if you are extroverted and popular or introverted and shy. We choose ( whether consciously or subconsciously) who we spend our hours with. Keep in mind here that some parents are not hands-on, “my-kids-are-everything-to-me” types. And not all marriages contain an element of companionship. We seek out and gravitate to what serves us best internally and externally. And if something clashes with that, eventually there will be trouble. My examples here are a stay-at-home mom vs. a career mom or a marriage based on mutual interests ( perhaps business) vs. a match made based on love.
Those whom you spend time with, whether you want to admit it or not, DO affect you and your choices as an individual. They affect what you say out loud, or internalize. They affect what you show to the world at large and what image you feel comfortable presenting. They affect how much time, energy and effort you put into your goals and passions. They can make you feel uplifted or depressed, valued or disposable, worthy or unworthy. They can affect you from your childhood unto your deathbed.
Deciding which category they fit into( see above questions again) is usually not considered until after the fact- such as when a relative passes away, when an intimate relationship ends, or perhaps a friendship goes awry. There are many more scenarios. Even something like marriage, divorce, moving or a career change can prompt a person to consider the relationships qualities in hindsight.It may be more prudent to proceed with caution from the onset.
You will not- and i repeat NOT- always get out of it what you put into it, no matter how many memes suggest otherwise. Life is unfair, cruel even, at times. You will be hurt, betrayed, treated badly, and sometimes- dismissed by people you thought valued you. But you will also be loved, cared for, listened to, and appreciated even when you don’t think you deserve it. Humans are complex, and almost unpredictable for the most part. We think with our hearts as well as our minds- and this creates a dichotomy found in no other species.
Knowing these things is all well and good. But when your heart is breaking, or you feel overwhelmed/angry/ stressed/ betrayed- it is easy to forget what part YOU played in it all. The basics of stoicism ( specifically Epictetus) speak to this conundrum. While we feel deeply we are either at fault or not at fault- we need to learn the art of blaming ourselves alone for “failures”. Sounds terrible, right? I assure though that it is correct and once fully understood, will do much to heal wounds and tragedies that beset us. I will be speaking to that in a future post.So, please refrain from getting upset about that just yet.

Ok, back to the question at hand- How can i do better at not mis-using the time, love, and energy (on less desirable entities) that i have left while i am still able? I have a few take aways. They are not fool proof or without problems, but worth considering at least.

Red Flags- Find yours. Write them down.Say them like a mantra. Use your head, not your heart when entering new relationships. The heart can come later if it feels right, or worthy of your valuable assets. If you do not desire to be around a certain thing ( alcohol, drugs, young children, mental health issues, etc etc etc) STOP telling yourself you can be. This is almost certain to lead to disappointment at best or a crushing emotional break up at worst.

Take your time– they say only fools rush in. Let that sink in and become part of who you are. Sure, take risks- but take more calculated risks.Don’t be afraid to lose or miss out if you don’t “act now“. Life isn’t a TV ad. Finding your soul mate is not based on infatuation. Finding your mentors isn’t like finding a quarter on the beach. Both require a process of give and take.

Always pay attention– ignoring the train wreck that someone has created with their lives , or overlooking their lack of motivation to improve speaks volumes. Listen to their words, but don’t forget to check them against their reality. For instance, a potential love interest shares their life long dream of..idk..becoming the next Steve Jobs- but if 99% of their free time consists of spending watching youtube videos, drinking alcohol and munching on Dorito’s, their living space lacks any discernible evidence of efforts towards the goal, they’ve lost their drivers license and they have been unable to hold a job longer than a few weeks or months- those words are more likely a pipe dream.

Make sure you have the major stuff in common– life aspirations, goals, common interests and ethics. Puppy love and starry nights wont last forever. If your potential life partner wants to join the Peace Corps and eventually live off the grid in a hippy commune, and you want to succeed as a corporate CEO , get married, have a 401 k and buy a 400,000 home ( areas where this buys nothing not withstanding) then- you are not a good match ! If potential mentor/friend is political and polarizing and you tend to avoid those types of discussions- chances are the relationship will fail, become strained or toxic. Yes, it is good to have a strong sparring partner- but that partners interests should align with your own on a most basic level. You don’t have to agree on everything but mutual respect and ability to gain in a positive way from the connection is a must!

Spend some time alone with yourself on a regular basis- How will you know what you really want from a connection out there if you don’t even truly know who you are or what you want? Again, it’s not foolproof and we do change over time. But as per my previous post in this series- if you have worked hard to understand your deepest core values- don’t waste too much time with those who push back in a negative way. Example: i believe that all human beings have the right to experience love, safety and pursue their own happiness as long as it does’n t hurt anyone else. I could never be around a person ( friend or partner) who has acceptance issues with race, gender, religious/spiritual practices, or political freedom of choice. And trust me- there are more of them out there than we want to acknowledge. Take time to examine your own beliefs, why you have them, and where you need to place boundaries in your life.

When choosing those whom you will engage with regularly- start asking yourself before too much time has passed what they will add to your life. Be honest, be real, and don’t block out your gut feelings. Check your happiness, anxiety, and motivation levels when you are around them. And be careful of becoming something you don’t want to look at in the mirror everyday.

As always- feed back, insights, suggestions and opinions are welcome.

Namaste!

“What do I Value?”

Posted on March 8, 2022 by Lovie Price

When most people are asked this question their first answer is likely to be: “my family”, or “my health”, or “my freedom”. Of course, all 3 are “things” that are important and have great value. But I want to talk about the aesthetic meaning.

To start, it is always a good idea to define the topic of discussion. Values are “the beliefs and principles held by an individual, group, organization, or culture”. The link at the bottom of this post will direct you to the source of this definition, as well as list “80 types of values from A-Z”. Beliefs and principles are not tangible items that can be held, touched or experienced via the 5 senses specifically. They are held internally.

It is important that I start my journey here with this question and establish my values first- because values will drive, influence and justify every other aspect of self- examination that I will be covering.

I will begin by listing several things that came to mind as I wrote this. These are values that I have held for most, if not all, of my entire adult life.

1.Promptness/punctuality

2. Courtesy

3. Being (not just setting) an example that is true to my beliefs

4. Discipline in most areas of life

5. strength and fortitude (“moxie”)

6. Effective responses to adversity

These are things I expect of myself as well as others whom I choose to associate with. Granted, not everyone will embody these values or place the same weight on them. But those whom I choose to maintain regular relationships with (friends, family, partners) must exhibit most them.

As I pondered further, I considered values that I should aspire to. That’s a tough one because truly absorbing a new value takes persistence and tenacity.They also have to ring true to your deepest core. I wouldn’t want to say, for example, I want to value social status or good citizenship because both go against my moral and ethical values on some level. As in most areas of change and improvement choosing the correct, most realistic and viable options for you is essential. Doing otherwise is setting oneself up for failure or at best, repression, and resentment.

So, how do I choose?

Perhaps the litmus test for me is asking 3 questions “How would I want to respond to challenges as they show up in my life?” and “How have I responded to them so far?” and “How realistic is it that I can really change that about myself?”

My conclusions so far (i.e.-what I want to manifest through active, progressive actions and behavior):

Courage (to pursue challenges)
Reputation (continual/increasing quality in craftsmanship)
Humility/accountability (understanding MY role)
Discernment (over wisdom and intellect)
Independence (freedom from patterns of dependence)

Of course, as I always emphasize, the next step must be action. It is not enough to figure out the “what” and “why”, to write them down, and walk away. But in these posts, I want to stick to the immediate task at hand, and I feel I’ve done that here.

Please feel free to share your insights.

Namaste!

reference: https://simplicable.com/new/values