October 2020 – Wake up!

Today’s “I got this” Moment..

Posted on October 28, 2020 by Lovie Price

Right..so, another Dear Diary post…

After this weekends debacle and feeling way stressed and overwhelmed yesterday, i woke up with severe anxiety today. I mainly thought i would accomplish nothing other than pacing around doing everything i could to get it under control. I did my usual- took an Ativan, ate something, switched from coffee to water after 2 cups, took a long hot bath, read a few blogs and then waited patiently to go to my chiropractor appointment. I figured that would help somewhat.

While i was pacing around my mind was in a state of mulling over how in the world i was going to find a therapist.After all, i didn’t feel comfortable asking on facebook, nor did i feel good about asking any of the multiple people i know who regularly post about their therapy. After all, some have been going for years and are still a hot mess so i have very little confidence in any references they could give me. So, naturally i looked online.

I soon realized that before i could do anything i also had to call my benefits department to see what was covered, and if i needed a referral from my doctor. Oy! I loathe making phone calls more than any other task in the world including scrubbing the toilet.It’s always a matter of 1. getting up early enough to reach someone before the office closes…2. getting through a long menu tree, being transferred a dozen times, and several disconnects requiring me to start all over and 3. the process usually entails about 2 hours and because i don’t have a bluetooth i am tethered to my phone the whole time. More anxiety.

I started trying to think of any and all other ways to get a word of mouth referral and decided to ask my chiropractor. She is wonderful about that stuff and always knows someone who does just about anything. She gave me the name of someone i did vaguely know in the community and i sent her a message online. I believe she is mainly a life coach /natural healer type though so not sure if she takes insurance. But the description i got of her work sounds promising.Hopefully she responds .

So, I DID actually do something.

Once that was done i felt much better. In fact, by the time my BF was on his break ( we chat for a few minutes at that time) i was in a pretty great mood. It’s been many years since i’ve even considered – really considered- going to a therapist. I’ve only ever come close one other time, except for when it was mandatory ( child custody stuff) and as a teen ( also child custody stuff) and i backed out due to having no insurance coverage and a limited income. So i am quite pleased i have followed through this time- at least taken that first step.

I am not really sure exactly what a :life coach: will have to offer , but i am willing to check it out. If that fails i will have to go through the other steps of locating one who takes insurance and who knows? a more structured course of treatment may be what i need. But we shall see.

Namaste.

Gotta Keep on Keepin’ On..

Posted on October 22, 2020 by Lovie Price

I have been continuing to make progress on the home front. Yesterday i finally went to the gym and got my membership renewed. Now to plan out the days of the week i will be going so that i have a consistent routine. I also made a few more necessary phone calls.Today, I cleaned the house, stripping the bed sheets, doing laundry, etc . then went tanning, got a few groceries and prepared for tomorrow.I also ordered my tires and called the shop. These things may sound mundane to most, but i cannot express enough how much the pandemic affected my usual focus and motivation. Getting these things back in order took a huge effort but i am so proud of myself for persevering!

One thing i have come to understand in all of this is that during this time many of us allowed ourselves to wake up each day and rather than focusing on what we should be doing, we allowed ourselves to go with our “feelings” way too much. It’s fine to have a flesh day occasionally -but for me, it became months and months of allowing my feelings to rule and procrastinating on necessary self care, daily motivation, and other accomplishments.I ceased making appointments, phone calls, and planning/doing things that were for my own good.

My daughter is having a family dinner tomorrow after which i will be taking the grandkids overnight( i have then once a month). So, i had to clean out/organize the car ( for 2 car seats) and get few few things set up to do when we get home.Thank goodness i also got them both sleeping bags to keep here rather than dragging them back & forth. They both like to sleep on the floor in my bedroom.We always have so much fun. At bedtime we settle in with ice cream and watch youtube stuff of their choice, and in the morning there’s pizza for breakfast. So cool to be a grandmother and spoil the heck out of them!

In the afternoon i am taking an artist friend and his girlfriend over to my boyfreind’s property to spend an afternoon painting Plein Air(outdoors). It’s a beautiful wild place with lots of stuff to paint.This is one of the one’s i am working on at the moment and will likely start another.

In the evening we will be camping at creekside again.And yes, there are otters there( which is what inspired me to paint one!) .They have planned a “fire circle” with a few friends( mainly musicians) so it sounds like a good time. Gotta enjoy the last of the beautiful weather and all things outdoors here-crisp weather, “hooty” owls and all manner of wildlife, a campfire and snuggling in sleeping bags and falling asleep to the creek babbling all night. Winter will be upon us before we know it!

In the next few weeks i still have many things on my list- setting a good schedule for all the routine self care activities ( chiropractor, gym , tanning, and getting to library regularly). I still have to upgrade my phone, and set appointments for my car inspection and one at my hairstylist. Honestly, i could ramble on about many things i need to take care of but these are just next in line.

So, once again sorry for the boring post. Mainly just writing for myself until i feel i am back to normal again and have something more worthy to impart. Hope you all are doing well.

Namaste!

Big Bad Baby Steps

Posted on October 21, 2020 by Lovie Price

Well, after Saturdays post, i figure back to the “Dear Diary” type for a bit.Too much rumination at once isn’t good for the soul

The past few weeks have been going pretty well according to plan as far as staying motivated. Sure, these are small steps and prior to the pandemic would have been nothing to even write about but I am starting to feel some peace and calm..Along with continuing to pay attention to self care once again (i even waxed my facial hair !) I have finally followed through on the following:

got that laptop
downloaded and began using Chrome as my browser instead of the glitch ridden Safari
set DuckDuckGo as my default search engine- for more security and privacy
am learning to navigate both more each day
today i had another chiropractor appointment and scheduled several more plus purchased more of the supplements i’ve been using which are working well
set up my EFT for the tanning salon so i can get back a little color
stopped at the gym but it was locked because its 24 hrs and a key card is needed when not staffed. So tomorrow will go earlier.
washed and vacuumed out my car

So, slowly but surely i am getting “myself” back together again- no more Humpty Dumpty for me! My next mission is to get to the actual library now that “limited” browsing os possible. i totally miss listening to those CD books on my commute to and from work. Music has been a nice break but it’s time for something more intellectual again.

Then i have to go upgrade my phone, order new tires , set up a garage appointment, and order a few items i have been putting off.

And…(drum roll)…..i got 7 straight hours of sleep today and didn’t even wake to go pee..

How’s that for success?

Namaste!

Today was Better

Posted on October 15, 2020November 10, 2023 by Lovie Price

As i continue to work through many changes at this crucial time frame in my own life and have begun to post more it stands to reason that my daily experiences will vary . And today was a good day, even though i didn’t think it would be.

I woke at 12p ( less than 4 hrs of sleep) was irritable and tired and it’s the day that i usually get to see my boyfriend for a few hours before work so i was upset that i felt so awful. However, he went out of his way to come early so we had more time and that just brightened up the whole day:)

So, i DID finally make those phone calls and appointments and also some additional necessary ones. We also took a ride to the nearest Apple store to look at laptops- one more thing on my list .( As a side note here- these stores are a mess. There were 3 unmarked lines outside the store in the mall. You were had to guess where to stand. The store has a capacity limit due to Covid and you must wear a mask and get a temperature check prior to being admitted. We had to wait 15 minutes to be called in after being checked in by an employees with a tablet outside the store- crazy, just crazy).

But i finally got to see the new version of the Mac air and ask questions about price, availability and shipping, so i have a better idea where i stand in that way. Mission accomplished!

But the best part is that much of my recent pain was not present at all today and i am beginning to understand how much the anxiety/depression cycle contributes to it all. Additionally( fingers crossed) i think the CBD is working:)

Today is another chiropractic appointment and i am also stopping at the gym and possibly the tanning salon.So, things are actually getting accomplished and i feel less overwhelmed.

I do apologize ahead of time if my posts are seeming a bit “diary” like at the moment. I am slowly but surely getting my sh*t together and just ask for your patience. I won’t always be pleasant, or peaceful or even have much of anything to say. But i will write. If not for anyone but myself. Feel free to read or take a pass.This is what i do to heal and recover.

Namaste.

One Step Starts the Journey

Posted on October 13, 2020 by Lovie Price

So, after sort of ranting yesterday ( a much needed one that i could probably have gone on about for days but restrained myself), i wanted to share a little positivity today. But first here are some cute little piggies:

For the last few weeks i have been going through a lot of physical pain, depression/anxiety episodes as well as financial issues. However, thank goodness i decided not too long after it all started to DO something about it.

Self care.

First, i started ( and laugh if you will) by finally starting to paint my toenails. It’s been over a year. Then, i moved on to actually shaving again. I won’t mention how long it’s been for that..lol.

Next, rather than continue to sit around in despair, i did a “re-set/detox” and have continued to work my way through the negative effects of this pandemic on my physical, mental, spiritual and emotional health. For one thing i finally buckled down and started seeing my chiropractor again. This has been a life saver! I had put it off for so long because it’s not covered by insurance and can get quite expensive. But i told myself that even though i can’t really afford it, i can’t really afford NOT to. And so, jumped in with both feet. Fortunately after a few weeks, i realized i could use my HSA account to pay for it. Couldn’t believe i had forgotten about that. Additionally, i scheduled a deep tissue massage for today which was awesome . I’ve also been adding some healthy supplements to my daily routine and….once again am experimenting with CBD products. I plan to continue with a weekly chiropractic session and a monthly massage.

( footnote: I have had some bad reactions to some of the CBD stuff in the past. I had an allergy panel done which indicated i was allergic to it. However, after much research and talking candidly with my Doctor, i discovered that many reactions are a result of the pollens that the hemp may come into contact with during its growth & production. So, the simple answer is to use only products grown hydroponically. So far, it’s going well.)

Self care.

It’s so f*cking important . Yet, we tend to put it off until we are forced to deal with the consequences of our inaction.

My next few steps are to schedule an eye doctor and dental appointment. Its been a few years. I also have developed a financial plan ( after simply getting by and ruminating forever) to get new tires/rotors/etc for an upcoming car inspection and then –at last- upgrading my phone and laptop. It will take 2 months, but at least i now can see “the light”.Fingers crossed for no other crisis, of course.

So there it is…ever notice how just taking those first few baby steps can get you more focused?

Namaste!

The Bane of Online Digital Art

Posted on October 12, 2020October 12, 2020 by Lovie Price

Another thing i am realizing with the changes on Facebook is that it is actually a lot less pleasant to scroll… The positive part of it all is that i am spending way less time scrolling because- it’s boring! So, i guess i should be grateful in some ways.

However the art sales are almost non existent. Even my roommate has gone through a sudden surge of sales, followed by an extreme slump. Fortunately for her, she has been working towards having her items placed at various shops in the community and is also looking into a space at the market downtown. This is a good thing . She does Shibori dyes on pillows, shirts, handbags and other items. These things sell way better in shops. Not so with paintings. So i am still stuck . I cant afford a professional website of my own( at least not one that’s designed so well it is worth it) and galleries are a total waste of time. Trust me, unless you are famous, have connections to the wealthy, and are much sought after- all that happens is people come and look, compliment and say they wish they could afford it , and leave.

I will continue to rack my brain.

In the mean time, i continue to practice. This is something i haven’t really talked about on here. And it can get into some controversial issues at times. But let me try and hopefully not bore YOU to death.

I practice my art mainly at work. I do archival ink or water color or a combination. All of it on paper. This is because it’s fairly easy to set up and take down, a minimum to store and keep ( in a box) here. It’s not messy and i can still do my job answering alarms , changing diapers, giving meds and feedings in between. I general spend 2-4 hours of the 8 hour shift practicing- so in any given week that equals about 20 plus hours.

To do this , i have spend untold amounts on materials- upgrading, replacing and adding to my tool box. I have been able to expand into the best papers and watercolors, but not the best brushes and “special ” tools and miscellaneous materials. This year alone i have spent around $2000 in materials just for this part of my practice.

The other thing i have been doing for over 12 years is acrylic on canvas. That is not as portable and is messier. Most of that i do at home in the studio we have been upgrading slowly. It takes more space, a place to empty more toxic water, and throw dirty rags to be washed. It’s also way more costly. One jar ( 8 oz)of pro quality paint can cost $30 plus. And that’s only one color. Canvasses aren’t too bad if i buy 16 x 20’s in bulk ( average about $3/canvass) or stretch my own and brushes aren’t too bad either.However, i have multiple easels and trays , palettes and other tools so that i can transition from the studio, to paint night parties, to Plein air painting.At the peak of doing paint nights, i spent over $3000 in one year just student supplies( easels, pallets, brushes, cups, trays, paper towels, canvasses, etc). After expenses, i was making barely enough to cover the costs including gas & time- which is one reason i rarely do them anymore. And don’t get me started on the costs and aggravations of oil painting.

So why did i start this whole diatribe? Because it still relates to the digitalization of the world affecting artists like myself. I refer to myself as a die hard”purist”. By that i mean i actually do all of my stuff manually, using my hands, years of acquired skills and physical tools that cost money. Yet, today- just about anybody can pass themselves off as an artist using apps/ photo shop programs and digital manipulation to create what( to most consumers) looks like a master piece –without spending a single dime . They can have less than a few weeks practicing on their phone or laptop, and if they mess up , a simple click of a button will erase it and they can start over. Even those who actually DO paint on physical media now usually upload it into a program to perfect and adjust with a few preset tools. Are the proportions off? click , click– fixed! Want to change the hue or reverse the color scheme- clickety-click– fixed. Wanna put a few layers over top of each other– just click here.It’s maddening.While i have spent years and years , and tons of money- they have the absolute NERVE to call this “art” and themselves “artists”.

Yes, i have even gotten into heated debates about this with a few. Those who insist using these things isn’t cheating.But i maintain my opinion.

After all, it isn’t really your art if someone else created the program .It’s your version of someone else’s work. It’s like comparing a hand made oak chest to an IKEA version.

So yes, this is sort of a rant. And it probably did bore most of ya’ll. But anyway, thanks for reading..at least i got a few things off my chest today..

Namaste.